According to Yusuf أهلاً وسهلاً / أهلاً بك

Quotes Gone Wrong

2012-01-08T18:01:00.000+02:00

“ So avoid using the word ‘very’ because it’s naaring. Don’t use very sad, use swak. Slang was invented for one reason, lyties - to fluke cherries - and, in that speech, parking dom will not do.”
- Dead Outies Society

" I wanna get burfee wasted!" - Grown Ups

" You had me at Salaam." - Jerry Mcguire

" I have 90 mxit contacts, 12 deleted me, but still, 90 contacts." - Ali, Due badaam Date

" I came, i saw, i pinged my braz to help me out, we conquered." - The Kaiser

" I gave her my heart and she gave me her bbm pin" - Tune Anything

" My Mummy always reckon, 'Life was like a box of chappies; you never know what flavor you're gonna get." - Forest Gump

" Are you flirting with me?" "since the first day i used the ;) emoticon." - Namastey Durban

" If you're a bat, i'm a b... wait, if you're a bat, i'm not going for you." - The Notekitaab

“ I... drink… your… sarbat! I drink it up!”

"there's no school like a muslim school and i'm the f*n drug dealer!"

" 'do not ping her' is pinging me." - No Nikkah Attatched

" Never let the fear of striking out prevent you from pinging her." - A not so Cinderella Story

" I love the smell of dholl in the morning. It smells like victory."

" Why dont they make a movie about what happens after the kiss? - They do, its called Bollywood" - Friends without Benefits

" I just stole fifty cupcakes in one waalima!" - Gone in 40 days

" The way to a chicks heart is through poking her on Facebook."

" May the falooda be with you"
" Luke-maan, i am your father" --- Star Wars

_______________________________________________________________________________________________
My first post for 2011 before school, tuition, debating, sleepless nights and a Super C addiction starts. :)
I mean 2012

yusuf :)

Looking back at 2011

2011-12-30T00:02:00.002+02:00

So I do this post right now, chilling, listening to indian music. Chilling. Life is chilled right now
I wish I could say that for this past year. In true tradition of a Grade 10 student, this year was probably the most roller-coaster thing ever.

That’s if, the word ‘rollercoaster’ can be used as an adjective. Amongst other things as well. Learnt a whole new life living in the city for the most part of the school term.

iI' kidding, I didn’t learn shit, PMB isn’t a city, it’s a big hole with a few kickass houses; and a big(ish) spaza shop which the inhabitants call ‘the mall.' ..I’ve been lead to believe that that’s where all the cool kids hang out. In Greytown(the town where I live), all the cool kids hang out at the post office… and smoke.

In this mediocre blog post I could type a whole long story of all the crazy things I wanted to, in comparison to the insane(ly), lame things that I did do, but who am I kidding.

In a nutshell ive mastered my hand illustrations which act in unison to my speech. In stupid people terms: I move my hand around when I speak, really well. Ari Gold taught me it during the final and almost best season of Entourage. (5 was better than 8. 801 was sheet)

I've also realised that while im in school I shouldn’t take things seriously. Anything. Oh, and my dog senses sarcasm better than some human beings.

Just to sidetrack a bit,

I'm not into Americans, or much of what they do; but there is one aspect that I do admire ... Its Thanksgiving ... The day where you remember to appreciate all what you have...

If muslims celebrated it however it would be a little different ..
it will be an excuse to buy new clothes
And For one, the shop keepers will make it an excuse to host another 'international dubai shopping festival' where they'll sell stuff made in china .... In Durban

But let's not hate on that.. Ill go back to Thanksgiving .. At the end of this year, there's been much for me to complain about.. But I'd rather be thankful

Thankful for the friends I've made, the "friends" I've lost .. The mistakes I've made and the lessons that I've learnt.
As with wisdom comes age, and we all have 12 more months to learn wisdom and be fit and do homework and stuff.. Until we die. Unless you're like ... Everyone... And you don't believe in 2012 :)

Welcome to round 11 (if you were born in '95... And you're going into grade 11 next year .. Hence .. 'Round 11')

Finally, I was thinking of mentioning a few people who made this year, the year that it was for me, but I think they know it already..

For next year i cant promise many blog posts, but look forward to a List or two. i think i owe it to a few insane people out there :)

Yusuf :)

She's Too Young for you Bhai

2011-12-14T12:51:00.000+02:00

I've been absent from blogging over the past month because exams had started and therefore i started watching new series.

So lately my cousin @imraany, my big brother and i have been making jokes about a guy we know who is going out with a girl significantly younger than he is. The jokes practically write themselves.(i just felt like saying that, Russel Peters says it a lot)

anyways, these jokes also fit in to the well know twitter hashtag; #ShesTooYoungForYouBro

if she buys kinder joy for the toy
if her mummy makes birdies for her when she eats
if she doesn't know what a tamagotchi is
if she needs to be fetched from madressah at 4:30
if she still swims with inflatables
if she rides a tricycle
if she watches movies with her parents
if she doesn't know how to make burfee
if her profile picture on facebook is that of Hannah Montana
if she's addicted to MXit
if she asks hyou to sign a parental consent form
is she has a picture of Vanessa Hudgens in her facebook album called '//*MEeE*//'
if she has her actual mother listed as her mother on Facebook
if she says little wayne instead of Lil Wayne
if she says dead-mau-five
if she takes a blue seat in with her on a movie date .....

Then She's too young for you bro

The guy(who goes out with a much younger girl) often in these situations is referred to as a paedophile - and rightly so. His braz must judge him, and so will society.

According to the 'braz' from the 'hood'(facebook) the rule is : 2 years up, 3 years down;
which they assume is for a guy

Example : Guy-18 ; Girl -15 : You would say its within the rule (3 years down)
But for the girl, its 3 years up.

So the new rule is:
Don't tell each other your ages.

yusuf

How I met Your Ma - Part 4

2011-11-06T22:29:00.000+02:00

So this blog has been a long time coming, i lie. Ive beenwatching How I Met Your Mother, and with every episode, i get moredisappointed, and so i thought there parodies(if you can call these that, areequally disappointing)

Nevertheless, this story is how Saleem first gets in contactwith one of the girls he almost talks to at Wakaberry. Let me let you in on wunsecret, Saleem never finds this girl, his mother does, on gumtree. Wellactually this girl was advertising Burfee, Magaj and finni online. So Saleem’sMa, got over happy and decided to hit one email to BurfeeFoi@gmail.com ... within a fewhours Saleem’s mum got a reply back on her Bibi, only to see that SweetMeatslady’s daughter handles all the sales. Saleems mum saw the price list, and was‘Marigya!, so much for half KG burfee, these people think we crazy.’

DING!!! Red Light. *Scramble in handbag*.. picks up Bibi,*puts on glasses*, ‘oooh. In-veee-tay-shin to Burfee Foi’s Bee Bee Emm group’.. ACCEPT! “Maybe i can get discount.”

DING!! Red Light *slides glasses from forehead to bridge ofnose* ‘ooooh, invitation from Hawa-Bibi’... Accept! Message: Slmz, i heard u interested in burfee, plz give me order assoon as possible, Eid is soon, and home line is always ringing after 8’

So anyway, Saleem’s bb had gone in for repairs. Rumour hasit, he, dropped his phone by mistake in the toilet while reading his twittertimeline. What a rumour. But rumours are hardly ever true.

Anyway his mother was taking long in Moondrops buying EidOutfit, and her Bibi was in the centre console of the car, so he picked it upand started playing Caro. He sucked at it and kept losing against some randomChinese guy named Hing Chu, then the red light flashed, he opened up BBM, andsaw a message from Hawa Bibi.

He never even bothered to read the message, clicked “viewcontact profile” – “enlarge display picture” ... and it was Love at firstsight!

He took down the pin, and forced his mother to take him toCafe Madina Cellular to get his phone, and to his luck, it was ready!

He charged it up, changed his display picture to one of ZainMalik, and his status to “i like girls who’s mothers make burfee”

He then added Hawa Bibi..... REJECTED!

Shame, i think it may have been that picture of Zain Malik.

He then got all depro, and so went along with his braz toget Wakaberry....and BAM! She was there!

Though.. he was too skrik to go greether, so instead, he bought his wakaberry, sprinkled some Astros, and observedher from safe distance. He sat on the side going down Florida road, next to themetal fence thingy, while Hawa Bibi and her friends chilled at a table.

coz lets face it.. we've all been added to a group selling phone covers at some point.

breaking the news to the crew

yuppp

have you met Saleem? if you do, make salaam.

Part 1 - http://yusuf015.blogspot.com/2010/08/how-i-met-ur-ma-indian-style.html

Part 2 - http://yusuf015.blogspot.com/2010/08/how-i-met-your-ma-part-two.html

Yusuf :)

Attack of The Indian Warewolf meets the Upper East Side

2011-10-30T21:17:00.000+02:00

If you don’t know who Blaire Waldorf is..then you probably live in a hole, or you don’t have friends on facebook whopost pics of ‘chuck and blaire’ as their profile pics…

Anyway, Blaire is an overly confident,classy, slightly emo, currently preggers and a character from Gossip Girl.

· Her mum would be managerat Moondrops

· And she gets ‘the latestfashion items’ before they hit the racks of Moondrops

· She looks set like anindian, but has a thick white accent..

· She uses words like‘soi’ and helloi’

· Coz she went to DurbanGirls College (the Durban equivalent of Constance Billard)

· Their maid’s name isThembi, who originally comes from Tugela Ferry

· Who had a child with thesecurity guard(Dumisani, AKA Dumi), who guards their home on Musgrave road.

· Because this is theIndian version, @28badass suggested names for indian Blaire

· Prevashnie Pillay. AndMr kandisamy(chuck)

· What a name.

· Anyway Prevashnie thinksshe has class

· But she’sstuck up really.

· And gets super angry atSadia. Her best friend. Serena I mean.

· She gets her minions tobuy Wakaberry for her crew

· Her stalkers call herPrincess Prevashnie.. after Queen B …( coz they not very original like that)

Now if any of youhave watched Attack of the IndianWarewolf you will understand these pics

Or maybe you’re justnaturally clever, so you’ll understand it anyway..

Prince Ladoo professing his love to Prevashnie

One of the days at netball practice when Prevashnie accused Sadia of sitting next to her boyfriend in Tuition.

when Dawood wanted Prevashnie, but Kandisamy(chuck) was too much of a heavy oe to let her go.

(probably one of thee best lines from Attack of the Indian Warewolf)

a sticky note. just a random line from Attack of the Indian Warewolf

another random pic..

Yusuf :)

The List - Part 4

2011-10-29T21:58:00.001+02:00

The List – for a jock

So recently ive revived this blog(recently =last few months) .. and at the same time ive been tuning with Zak Noorgat…

So heres a list of reason why everyone wants tobe like Z.Noorgat

· Twitter name :@ZedTheJock .. just kidding its actually @ZedNoorgat

· Go follow him for tipson how to be a jock

· And how to get a chick.

· Because when BarneyStinson cant get some, he goes to the gym

· And at the gym … he FindsZak

· Because that’s where Zedhangs out

· Amongst other places hehangs out are … foyer of Cabanas

· Where he orders Milo

· And drinks it

· Ah! You thought I wouldsay he sits there and checks chicks out

· But actually he is aHafez

· Top 10 of the grade

· And a first teambadminton, croquets, bowling and table tennis player

· JOCK !! just kidding heplays rugby(i think), hockey

· Squash, cricket and soccer.. apparently his good. He playes for GSE(Green Street Elite.. yes that name sounds like a team of muslim boys who smoke weed during tarawee.. but they actually good..)

· His perfect GF woild be likeMila Kunis

· He can bench his bodyweight(which is like a sack of poatatos :P .. just kidding)

· And according to him, hewants ‘triceps like Faf Du Plessis’

· Feel like im setting upa dating profile for Zed.. he just whatsapped me these past few points.. coz heis too cool for BBM .. until final exams are over

· He is in matric

· He is also a prefect atschool

· So he will laugh at meif I get punished, but tune me because I broke a rule.

· Damn prefects.

· Apparently he lovesJustin Bieber

· ‘s mother. Justin biebersmother. She’s hot.

· He is into that, doingprefect duty at the school entrance, and looking fly as all the mum’s drive in.chest out.

· Just kidding. He’s intoTaylor Swift and Selena Gomez.. which is always a good thing
· He also watched Disneychannel.. which lets face it, is awesome(the channel)

· Born in westville hospital,where all the monkeys are

· And finally here’s somepics of the Jock himself

Zak is good with kids..

Zak getting his shirt signed on the last day.. (or showing his biceps.. depends how you see it)

and lastly ... sorry ladies.. Zak is Single but unavailable ;)

#ThatIsAll

@zednoorgat

I dont know what to name this post.

2011-09-17T23:43:00.000+02:00

Since im super unpopular and no one replied to my tweet for a blog idea.. I sit here idea-less(kindof) with a kit kat rapper on my desk.

And Dockie asked me to do a blog on him, but I have nothing to poke fun about him right now.. so I will pass on that idea.

Social dynamics are weird! And they never make sense. Im not a pessismist but I can always see the end before it begins. Well not with everyone. But everything is influenced by what we see on TV .. but as Emma Stone says in Easy A .. “movies never show you how sucky it is to be an outcast” … forgive me if the quote isn’t properly quoted. My mind is busy thinking of ways to take over Nestle and then commission the production of 6 finger kit kats. I was also thinking about Entourage.. the series ended last Sunday.. Best.Series.Ever.

Amongst the people we see in the world we live in. and by world I mean Twitter, Facebook and Gateway on a Saturday night..(coz everyone goes to gateway on a Saturday night. Except me, I watch movies and blog and eat and stuff)

lemme name a few

those who update their status about EVERYTHING that they do. eat, drink, ask for help while in maths class while writing a maths test(i lie, never seen a tweet/status like that)
then there are the old people(by old, i mean over 20)

those who complain about traffic
those who complain about wanting to get married
those who post complicated statuses about 'stats 202' and all that weird Uni stuff
those who ask fro recipes(also known as those who post on Ask Nanima's often)
those who complain about working about
those who tweet a countdown till payday

then the ones who post tweets as facebook statuses.. 1 or 2 a day are ok .. but those who do it constantly, are naaring! i once blocked a guy who did that.
That group of friends WhO WriTe oN eAcH OthErS WaLlS thE wHoLE dAY
tHeY should type like this
ok im over this.
oh ya and those who post picture of babies the whole day

Just got a tweet asking me to write about haters who hate on those who are happy. in a single sentence: i hate on those haters too. Who feed of other peoples misfortunes.

Lemme post some tweets..

yusufshaikh

i havent been to gateway on a saturday night in a long time! i miss judging

slutty muslim girls on the cinema level !!

yusufshaikh

I check my twitter feed when I wanna know what's going on. I check my facebook feed when I have nothing else to do

yusufshaikh

Girls are more confusing than maths paper 3

yusufshaikh

If you didn't get any texts wishing you Eid Mubarak, its not coz u unpopular.. Its coz you don't have a Blackberry

yusufshaikh

I didn't know that the BBM shaitaan face doubles up as a Man UTD mascot.

In other news im tired of Arsenal Jokes, Astros and Blackberrys.

arsenal jokes have become lame, ive eaten too many astros and blackberry battery lives are shit. and BIS always has problems. and people take too long to reply to my bbm's. and my fb notifications are always delayed. i really live a very weird life.

Bruno Mars just came on my playlist. eff.

Ok if outta here. Should watch a movie or something. peace out!

Yusuf :)

This thing called Love.

2011-09-10T01:00:00.001+02:00

As you probably know, i loveRomCom - Romantic comedies
OR a famous hollywood actor and actress who get together for the dumbest, most unbelievable reasons.

I watched No Strings Attatched... it was a cool movie.. i loved it! and ive watched it 4 times since the first time.

Though tonight i watched Friends With Benefits. The phrase is something that i think our generation was obsessed with at some point(i think). Probably During the MXit days.

Anyway this movie was supposed to move away from the cliche of becoming friends, falling in love, breaking up and then making up. its not confusing at all, because EVERY movie follows that plot. i think.

But the movie proved to be EXACTLY the same. And that's what i loved about it. Its Hollywood, they dont show us whats true, they showed what we wanted to believe, and that's what i wanted to believe! That 2 people who can get along great with each other, will eventually land up in a relationship. And an Amzing one at that.

That mentality isn't just modern, just observe old people while they drink tea, eat biscuits and act like 'match makers' ... among'st their favorite lines when they notice a boy and girl who may be just STANDING together , they will be like 'so nice they look together' and the best one 'she's a haari poiri and he's a haaro poiri-Perfect Match!' ... this is another thingy that i learnt(overheard) .. If a boy likes a girl, the boy finds someone who is close to the girls family, so they can go with that person to send the 'mangoo'(proposal). sometimes i wonder how mangos came into proposing to a girl. Maybe they use to eat mango's when it was finalized Mango's are awesome. Mangos and Litchis. They probably have ferrero rocher pyramids nowadays.

I know(or think) that guys and girls almost always have feelings for each other, somehow or the other. Im not talking about bbm and facebook style stuff,im talking about actual relationships, actually seeing someone often, and then developing feelings.. Its probably part of the fibres that make up a teenagers mentality.

It's a bit stupid that i imply that platonic relationships don't exist. But they do. They develop into more, obviously, but its often our conscious, our knowledge(or the lack of it) that prevents us from moving on. unless you're a 'bhe-sharam'(old people word for....whats the word im looking for...? slut?) yes. that. then you just go for it. As they say compare it to in Friends With Benefits-"its like a game of tennis"

i like being being in my comfort zone. who doesn't?

because that means, everything is going your way, except for maybe when your bbm's don't send. Because that isnt very comfortable, thats just annoying.

As i said before, i love watching this thing called 'love' happen. wouldn't wanna experience it. coz its lame. especially when couples constantly post on each others Facebook walls.(yes, im referring to YOU)

see, another blog that i poke fun at a certain group of people.

Anyway, need to watch an episode, then sleep.

Yusuf :)

Coz Life isnt about how much you can bench

2011-09-03T23:54:00.002+02:00

I like to think of myself as weird. Mostly because ive never seen anyone with similar likes as I do. They say ‘you are unique, but so is everyone else’ … I agree.

and besides, being different allows you to see other people for who they are, without the pressure for you to fit in. Which is sometimes a bad thing, coz then i make fun about people and tweet it.

I’m into things that most ‘teenagers’ as such don’t like. I like politics. I don’t like drugs. I like being the ‘odd one out’ ; the guy who doesn’t actually fit in, the guy who doesn’t spends 6 months of the year defending ‘his team’ .. because honestly, its pointless. Maybe I think about the important stuff way too much.

I always worry. For stupid things that most people don’t worry about. Like not leaving the pizza or the halwa in the micro too long otherwise it gets super hot and burns your tongue.

Its not like I have a plan for ,my life. But all the things I want to do, wont make me into the person that I want to be. I like photography - the feeling of capturing a moment, and the digital replica making that moment so much more special; like when taking a picture of something beautiful. People will see it , and move on. Take a picture of it, and it’s there for life.

I also like technology. Computers, its amazing! Though I dropped IT because it was boring and id rather sleep on a Wednesday afternoon after school. Sleep or facebook stalk people. So much more fun :D

Politics! It’s a drug, once you’re exposed to it, you just can’t get enough. The thrill of it, everything. And the thing about politics(government politics), is that anyone, who makes any significant difference to broader society is somehow involved in politics- From business people, to actors, politicians themselves, doctors and even professors. The exposure you get from experiencing it is something I would do for the rest of my life. Thing is, politics is a dirty game. So id rather become a waiter at Wimpy or something. Just kidding. Ive met Jacob Zuma a couple times. He is G. his middle name even starts with G. I liked him better before he was president though. His bodyguards suck. They keep bouncing me.

So theres 5 minutes of some of the things I like. (or 2 minutes.. if you read really fast or something)

I don’t like gym, I dont like soccer, I don’t like smoking and I like singing Adele, Linkin Park, Taylor Swift and Good Charlotte songs in maths class/in the shower/when doing accounting.

And guess what, I don’t even know ‘how much I can bench’

I like Romantic movies and Cameron Diaz.

I also like tea, a lot. I agree, that is super weird.

And I Love My Life.

Yusuf J

(post comments, tell your friends, don’t do drugs and ask me shit- qooh.me/yusufshaikh )

My theories

2011-08-19T22:48:00.000+02:00

My theories..

So lately I’ve been thinking about food. I think its because im fasting.

Yup, it probably is. Weird thing is, even now,AFTER ive broken fast and eaten and eaten and eaten im still thinking of food. I glance over my desk and see Ferrero and flake rappers that I stole from the kitchen that was supposed to be used for desert.

Coz im like that. I think mum was gonna use flake to sprinkle on falooda.

Falooda is a nice word. Faloooooda.

I just chow, btw I have 12% body fat … and 88% awesome.

Which brings me to my blog for tonight.

I was thinking about when Killa’s blog was still up, and most of his stuff was pre-fixed with ‘Theory of…’ ; MJkhan likewise has ‘Concerning …’ ..

Though ive come up with theories of my own..

So here goes… I have a new theory

Theory 1

That guys, can sometimes read more into a situation than girls do. The theory is based on what I see from other guys observations of girls. Or maybe its just me

Coz I’ve often been called ‘slow’. Don’t judge me. Im not ‘slow’ like that special kid (no offence to the special kid), its just that I like stuff straightforward, no hidden messages.

I tell it like it is. Its like a kajoor. When ur eating a kajoor, its all soft, except you KNOW theres a hard centre, where if u bite it just like that, u gonna hurt your teeth.
Same principle, except if u eat badaam kajoor. Then again, there aren’t many badaams out there. (on one of the blogs I read, badaam refers to a nice girl. Hot girl. Same thing. Kindof)
Badaams are nice. Nice to touc
Ok that was a bad comparison to girls.

Theory 2

Al Ansaar is a decent radio station. I always listen to it. I like listening to all the presenters twang and stuff

Lately ive been listening to the afternoon show
Which consists of 3 kinds of people.

1) The kids that call in
2) Salma – The S factor. I think the ‘S’ factor is the factor where she gives free stuff to people. In that case it should have been called the ‘K’ factor. K for the Kanjoos people who call in. But that’s gujurati.
3) the cheapskates who call in for free stuff

The Battle of the Bibi’s

I originally thought that it was Al Ansaars remake of The Bacheloress. – Which bhai gets to the Bibi first. And believe me, the oes that call in REALLY wanted that Bibi

Even girls called in. that was shit confusing.

Done for tonight.

Listening to Maher Zain

Yusuf :)

(2 requests, please mention something in the cahtbox on the side. I see 27 likes, but cant see who :( .. and click the Follow button on the top right !!)

The List -- Part 3

2011-08-15T19:40:00.000+02:00

they often say... Blood is thicker than water; you can choose your friends, but you cant choose your family.
lucky for me i have some of the BEST cousins! One of which, i cant believe i havent blogged about ... for 2 reasons, he annoys me, a LOT, and is completely awe-some... okay the first doesnt make sense.. but get the point!

Yusuf 'Dockie' Docrat.

Thats his facebook name. i just copy-pasted that.
He likes Dubstep and parkor and skrillex and stuff that most normal human beings have never heard of.
He also likes girls. which is always a good thing.
Whenever im in Durban i always chill out at his crib
And steal the mini-chocolates that will ALWAYS be lying around somewhere in his house
He once speared me into the wall for stealing his blackberry
Oh yeah, he is a VIOLENT kid... we have another cousin, Ismail .. also hangs out with us, also violent. VERY violent.
And Mahomed. the most common name in the world just btdubs.
TOGETHER, we are known as the dudes who play multiplayer Tom Clanys Rainbow 6: Vegas on yusuf's PS3.
Actually i fall asleep before they start playing(which is always around 2 in the morning )
Hence his g2g message on bbm was 'lukker, check you dada'
Dada meaning grandfather if you are not Indian
And if you arent, i presume you searched 'justin bieber fai'l or 'MXIT statuses' and got here
Yes, those are the 2 most common searches that lead to my blog.
i kid you not.
Our other pass times include making fun of Ismail, asking guards at the malls, cricket stadiums etc etc for beggars. yes, BEGGARS. (burgers)
He is EXTREMELY persistant. right now he is bugging me about writing this, so.
He just told me that he likes drums.
1 line i learnt from him ..... "Dont judge me!!" .. because i always judge him and shout at him for listening to dubstep. coz lets face it. dubstep is stoopid
Kajoor is awesome. Selena Gomez is awesome
But dubstep, thats just a fail. That and Justin Bieber
And all that other weird stuff. He is also known for sending me the most RANDOM pics. here are a few :)

he took a pic

get stuffed

yeahh... we make fun of 'ismail' a lot...

lolli pops that make you high

But NOTHING is explosive as them Kajoors !!

_______________________________________________________________

lastly... all Yusuf's are awesome.. as urban dictionary dictionary defines us ---

" a man of great dignity,usually found wearing a rolex and serves his purpose as one of the greatest men alive."

#ThenYouMustKnow

#ThatIsAll

Yusuf :)

Ramadaan 2011

2011-08-08T23:15:00.000+02:00

Im not a holy one or anything, but i like to point thing out when i see them. i played around with the idea "Ramadaan is the month when' ... and so now i blog it. ive had this urge to blog, but i have no decent lame and funny ideas.. but here goes

Ramadaan is the month...

where girls wear scarf to tuition
and boys walk around in groups of 4, with a thunee deck
where people on BBM forwards Mjkhan's blogs
and where we(kids) sit more on our BB's than we do on the musallah
Where girls post pics of themselves in cloak and scarf onto Facekitaab
and where the guys perv over them
coz they ate too much kajoor
where some of us stop listening to music and watching television
except those stoopid soccer fans
coz their opinion is: TV is haraam, except if the soccer is on
where people post pictures of food as their Facebook/mxit dp's
its also the month where..
my mummy makes burfee towards the last 10 days
and i make lame jokes about peoples facebook statuses in my mind.
where.. i make milkshake :D
and make fun of Justin bhailo
but lower my gaze from the screen, coz Selena Gomez is there, sitting with Justin bhailo
also the Month where i impersonate Al Ansaar presenters
and sometimes i impersonate the toddlers that call in.
though theres 2 presenters for the afternoon shows(where the kids call in)
and if i was a kid, ill call in when the jolly aunty is presenting!!
Aunty Nadia is it?
i also make fun of 'brother NAzjam' (in that ghetto/american accent that he has)
his band is Wahid(one)
in the future, Ramadaan will be the month where i make a band called Ithnaan(two)
and the 2 members will be named after Sarbat flavours(milkshake)
Pink and Green.
do they make blue sarbat? coz i think the stage name Pink is taken.

That is all.

fast well

remember, to eat kajoor. im obsesssed with kajoor now

need to get over it.

also need to sleep.

Yusuf :)

WTF was wrong with Romeo and Juliet

2011-08-08T22:46:00.000+02:00

Im not particularly bored, im not particularly excited. ok that sounds wrong. dont judge me, we've been reading Romeo and Juliet at school and that shit is dirty like wAaaAT. even worse when im fasting and have to read all this haraam haraam. i mean WTF was up with those Venetians. ---- Part 1 of tonight's blogs

Lets do a Majlis style break down No 1: why were they at a masquerade ball? huh huh?! It would be understandable if it was at Soofie Musjid function/ Qawali night/ The souk. Wait.... No, the souk is haraam too. scratch that one out.

No2: Did Juliet's Ma not teach her to act in the correct way, who jams on a first date?!---which actually wasnt a date. Confused people they are.

No3: Is juliet blind and mentally retarded?! who stands on a balcony, pours their heart out about a boy, while the boy is standing directly BELOW her. (i fear i might get flack for this one, but i dont give a shit) Blind.and.reatrded.

No4: .. oh wait. i just figured something out.

Was Romeo always (plagued?) with the kajoor effect?? either he was really in love, or he really wanted to 'get some' the next day. why else would he marry the girl. I mean, even in this day and age, you hear of boys on girls who 'did it' and they werent married(usually these kids go to muslim schools, but lets not judge here, i dont want to get shot..or something).

See the thing is, from that age(16th century) in that continent (Europe); women were so easily accesible(i watched Merchant of Venice. dont judge), why did he want to get married?

It alllll comes down to one thing. The Kajoor.

Okay but kajoor is over-rated.

In fear i may go on, about stuff that i shouldnt go on about, i shall end this here. Partly coz i cant think of any more Romeo and Juliet stuff, but also because i heard old people read my blog.

aslso i havent finished reading the play. Im up to the part where the Friar marries em. Mercutio was a dirty baas-ted.

Yusuf :)

Plans never work out

2011-06-27T01:38:00.000+02:00

take someone who thinks that they are OCD, and need to plan an prepare for every possible outcome to a situation they are most like to face, and confront them with reality. result: complete and utter silence.

yes that kindof like me, im always contemplating what could be.
but i hardly ever come close to 'the situation' . nothing happens really, it just me, standing there, wondering, "what happened? Damn" . well thats why i watch so many series. i like SEEING the drama, (keyword:seeing). experiencing it - its naaring.
besides vampires dont exist, i dont in Beverley hills, new york or mystic falls.
or wherever bold and the beautiful is made. that series is like a hundred years old, like seriously. why dont all the characters just die?

this is actually my rambling post. Today is a bit odd. i didnt make a memon joke, dont get me wrong, i poke fun at memons all the time, but today i forgot to think of a kickass memon joke.(Sunday is memon joke day)

heres something weird. last year sometime i wrote a post on Why i hate blackberries.........(elipsis). i got one. bleh. weird thing:people kept telling me to get one, and when i get one, everyone tells me i shouldnt have gotten it coz of my 'blog'. go fly a kite. sincerely, me. really. steal a kite from a kite shop, go to the beach or something, and go fly it. i wonder if I-people have a 'fly a kite app'

Blackberry appworld is the shittiest thing ive seen since Pietermaritzburg, and if you've been to pmb you will understand. people dont get why i hate PMB. well simply put, when dbn people go to JHB, or vice versa, they dont exactly say, "we will stop for a break in pmb, for a nice cup of coffee and croissant . no they stop in Harrismith and buy biltong from that awesome biltong shop.

In pmb, when people do crime, they get arretsed, thrown in the back of a lorry, taken to the police station, and told to keep their fingers on their mouth.
at court, if you have committed a minor offence, you get hit with a wooden spoon.
okay thats a bit lame.
but yes, i hate pmb THAT much.

yusuf

Musjid to The Walima

2011-06-04T22:31:00.001+02:00

I cant study for exmas(im lying, I can, I just don't want to, im saving my brain power for when im in matric). So I thought id write a parody Swedish House Mafia – Miami to Ibiza. As Mj Khan would suggest, play the song in the background while you read…

Ive left out 2 'stanzas' in the middle. Mainly coz I couldn't find anything that rhymed with 'she pose for FHM' and stuff…

She say she likes my phone
But she wants mo's bb
And she stay up all hours sewing with her naa-ni
She said she loves my blog
She said she'll brb
And so I put her number in my curve BB

I got a black kurta
She got a white burka
She wanna see what's hiding in my black jusdaan.
I'll tell her "wear scarf and some itr too
And then I'll tell her not to be kanjoos

I got my itr and my topee
A moli and his Camry
bha! im on the trustees list
With the Natal Memon Jamaat
You can find me on a table
Full of akhni and dokraa
Surrounded by some lities
And it ain't Manjras Cater

I'll wake up in the morning
With a mild case of kaj-effect
With a mehr like that mehr
Like Kruger Coin and Daadies necklace
If you oes are bailing
Then boy I must bring a container
And that's standard procedure
From Musjid 2 the Walima

Jee

From Musjid 2 the Walima

Yusuf J

Accounting and other stuff

2011-06-04T22:26:00.001+02:00

I had a headache, now I have a box of Astros and Ke-dollar sign-ha 's(ke$ha's) Animal Album playing in the background.

I recently noticed @mirfaans views on accountants. (http://twitter.com/#!/mirfaan) . heres a facebook status : "sometimes, when life is klapping you like a cheap lady of the night, and you can't handle any of it anymore, just take a deep breath, and know that at least you're not an accountant.

Im writing Accounting on Monday, and my attention span for this subject doesn't last longer than about 30 seconds. (I lie, that's a bit of an over aggeageraion..i scheme 10 seconds max). the only productive thing that I see people doing in accounting class, is sharpen their pencils. I say, save the world, use less 'books', don't tune the guys for keeping ooplang, everything happy happy :D.

Here are some of my tweets from earlier on today Female Accountants are hot. #bdo - the accounting firm ran a general knowledge quiz at school last week.

i wonder if its humanly possible to study for #accounting without the constant urge to check Facebook or raid the fridge every 5 minutes

6 hous ago

GJ - stands for General Journal; not Ghar Jamai. #accounting #gujurati

6 hours ago

i have a feeling to write on Ask Nanimas fb wall "what are Ghar Jamais place in society?" (okay this has nothing to do with accounting, except if the GJ is an accountant. Then his life sucks double)

6 hours ago

i have to do well in acc exam. the same teacher is in charge for Skydiving course. i so wanna jump of a plane next term. (Har Har, accountants jumping off a plane.)

6 hours ago

the only good thing about accounting period, is that i fall asleep really easily, and my teacher doesnt give detention

6 hours ago

i like accounting.i just think its pointless. who pays someone to calculate the amount of money you're going to pay the government??#ooplang

6 hours ago

#Accounting and ooplang are like complete opposites. #gujurati

6 hours ago

Ma-ne nee khabar. #accounting #gujurati

Female Accountants are hot. #bdo - the accounting firm ran a general knowledge quiz at school last week.

6 hours ago

i wonder if its humanly possible to study for #accounting without the constant urge to check Facebook or raid the fridge every 5 minutes

Yusuf J

i wonder...

2011-04-06T18:45:00.001+02:00

So im confused, and feeling random. I always feel random. I draw car signs in my economics book.
I wonder why..
• I stalk kim kardashian on twitter
• Chicks fall head over heels for the biebs.
• Or if he evr used the the comeback ‘your mom!’
• Vodacom is making everything red. Its a sign. The Arrivals, have arrived.
• Now im gonna have bad dreams, i stopped watching the arrivals after epp 40. Definitely not one of my favourite series
• Id rather watch TCM. No actually i wouldn’t.. back to the ‘i wonders’
• If im gonna grow taller any time soon.
• My one phone keeps breaking, and the other never breaks.
• My 6300 plays music for 1 and a half hours on 1 bar of battery
• On full volume.
• I wasn’t blessed with a thick furcoat for the winter.
• Its cold. Brrr
• I want snow,
• ‘love’ dominates most of the themes in hollwood. Seriously?
• Its a load of bull.
• Yet i still like romance, tom cruise and spoof movies. And james bond, and Step ups,
• Ive lost interest in Indian movies. Gotta go to the paki and get Kich Kuch hota hai.
• I need to perfect my Paki accent. Even though i believe that im one of the best out there.
• People read my blog.like seriously. Why?! (no, i am not fishing for comments. As Julius would say, its cos im black?)
• If juluis ever gave any of his mistresses taxi money
• No one know the recipe of coke
• American movies are so retarded.
• I haven’t watched Twilight.
• My Twitter Trending topics have not loaded yet
• And why Facebook mobile notifications system is so retarded.
• I supposedly ‘support’ Arsenel, yet only know 5 players surnames. One of which is Song.
• We dont have The CW and all those awesome channels in South Africa. Vuzu and Mnet is delayed.
• I wonder what movie im gonna watch tonight. Maybe James Bond.

Yusuf

Some tweets..

2011-04-05T00:15:00.000+02:00

Some tweets

Okay so i have not blogged anything worthwhile, so i thought it right for me, to exploit youre boredom and make you read some of my tweets. I hardly post anything i feel to facebook, coz facebook is getting lame, and the most important purpose that it serves, is to help me remember your birthday. Dont judge me.

Excuse bad spelling. Each tweet is restricte to 140 characters
______________________________________________________________________________________

'if you're a bird, im a bird' @TheNoteboook
3 hours ago

yusufshaikh Yusuf Shaikh
feeling for some Fizzy Bublegh?
6 hours ago

retweeted by yusufshaikh
RT @iAmChuckie: #sincewebeinghonest "Girls can fake orgasms, but guys can fake whole relationships"
7 hours ago

yusufshaikh
i am hgalf hgaustralian and ghalf mount everest
7 hours ago

yusufshaikh
what are you, bionic?? no no no no, i only like the girls - Zohan #fb
7 hours ago

yusufshaikh Yusuf Shaikh
girls who r obsessed with putting Vanessa hudgens as their propic is kinda like guys who r obsessed with making zac efron their propics #gay
9 hours ago

yusufshaikh Yusuf Shaikh
the main reason i have facebook is ti keep up with series and stalk people. #twitterFTW (i lied, or as the optimist would say, i told half the truth)
9 hours ago

yusufshaikh
there are some real dof people on twitter with no sense of correct grammer or mildy correct sounding spelling.
10 hours ago

mybroadband
by yusufshaikh
Mo is back!: Vodacom is turning the country red, and is using some of the most famous Vodacom characters to help...http://bit.ly/ePNeWp
11 hours ago

21 hours ago

yusufshaikh
hahahahahahahah! 'before the dawat its ice cream, after the dawat, its milkshake'
21 hours ago

yusufshaikh Yusuf Shaikh
apparently i need to take protein shakes. eff that. whats wrong with badaa roti and super m
21 hours ago

yusufshaikh
who needs a ringtone when your dock/radio/speakers make that 'ziiiit zeee zeeee zit sound
21 hours ago

yusufshaikh
i havent watched pineapple express :/
22 hours ago

yusufshaikh
thats the greendale effect, our school motto is 'lower your standards' . - community 218
22 hours ago

yusufshaikh
i.will.not.youtube.biggest.pimple.in.the.world
23 hours ago

yusufshaikh Yusuf Shaikh
kanye west uses the same sound thingy in his live concert,that the semi retarded hrithik roshan uses in kal ho na ho to comunicate with UFOs
3 Apr

Retweeted
#sincewebeinghonest i have justin bieber on my phone, and hand me yours.... click click click click.. you do too! (oh shit.)
3 Apr

retweeted by yusufshaikh
#notetofemales Girls can be just as bad as boys
3 Apr

KhloeKardashian Khloé Kardashian
by yusufshaikh
#notetofemales please understand... If he loves you he WILL make you a priority. If he keeps blowing you off... He's just not that into you
2 Apr

»
yusufshaikh
i bet no one is gullable enough to press this link http://bit.ly/exUTcN#fb

on tuesdays they should make half price popcorn and coke too. i usually pay more for those, than the movie ticket.
3 Apr

yusufshaikh
why is there a someone who looks like a qwere qwere albino in Katy pery's music vid E.T(futuristic lover)??#shouldNotHaveDownloadedIn1080pHD
3 Apr

yusufshaikh Yusuf Shaikh
a good song for anyone who is single on valentines day is 'somebody to love' . see even justin biebers life sucks

yusufshaikh Yusuf Shaikh
when he isnt being called gay.which is never really. but still
3 Apr

retweed by yusufshaikh
#sincewebeinghonest some of my closest friends, I dont have to talk to them everyday but the love is always there
3 Apr

RealWizKhaIlifa
by yusufshaikh
#sincewebeinghonest A relationship should be between TWO people, not the whole world.
1 Apr

yusufshaikh
what will happen when katy perry and lady gaga make a music video????
3 Apr

yusufshaikh Yusuf Shaikh
ok now im just skipping to the parts where they show Cheryl Cole. she is garam garam :P
3 Apr

yusufshaikh Yusuf Shaikh
watching x factor season finale.. rather late to get#onedirectioninfection #fb
3 Apr

yusufshaikh Yusuf Shaikh
'you will not be, Loser Like Me' --- #glee 216 thats some inspirational shit right there
3 Apr

yusufshaikh Yusuf Shaikh
why is half of glee either gay or lesbian?
3 Apr

yusufshaikh
so i was told that with the girl,u needta read btwn the lines. Im absolutely useless @ that! Its the reason y i get crap marks for eng poetry
3 Apr

yusufshaikh
y muz jehovaz witness riing the interkom on sunday mornin??? I wanna shleeeep!
3 Apr

yusufshaikh
#thatawkwardmoment when you realise that youve tweeted way too much. well that should substitute a blogpost
3 Apr

yusufshaikh
that KFC advert comes to mind now.. 'youre moms quite nice'#thatawkwardmoment
3 Apr

yusufshaikh Yusuf Shaikh
when i went to a boys only skwl,1 guy always insulted another by saying 'ur mom!',then i wondered if @ the girls schools theyd say 'ur dad!'
3 Apr

yusufshaikh Yusuf Shaikh
'its as if she wants people to think shes a slut'
3 Apr

yusufshaikh Yusuf Shaikh
theres a song by Busted about the hot teacher being the only reason he went to school.
3 Apr

yusufshaikh
facebook stalking has made me realise that indians digitally enhance and use the falsh in their propics to make them look fairer. #fail
3 Apr
»
yusufshaikh
why do indians like fake eyes??
31 Mar Favorite Reply Delete

TheNoteboook
retweeted by yusufshaikh
Why is it every hour you spend with me only feel like minutes, but every minute you're away, feels like hours?

____________________________________________________________________________________________

Yusuf.. dont steal em (just saying)

Soccer tournament

2011-03-27T18:17:00.001+02:00

I dont usually blog about what happens in my daily life, but for some weird reason, ive decided to do it today. It might be due to the fact that i woke up at 8 on a Sunday, or that ive eaten a whole pack of those marshmellow sweet thingies that you can buy from IG hoosens.

So our school MSA decided to hold its second soccer tournament. This falls in place of the requirements of the ISMSA(inter schools MSA) which requires each MSA to do at least one activity per term. (fund raising ,i think). Funny story about this ISMSA, it was set up and chaired until ½ year 2010 by my cousin, and taken over by my brother, i think its to ‘keep it in the family’. I dread to think of the day when they tell me, ‘youre next!’.

Anyway, back to the soccer tournament, i didn’t play for many reasons that id rather not mention, but im gonna mention it anyway. Coz its rather obvious. Which is pointless me mentioning, but anyway. Im healthy, not fit. I cant play soccer. I suck, no seriously, i do. I don’t have a decent physical build either, which may be a result of my ongoing chocolate and super c addiction. Instead, at these things, i like making money. I like making money, have no idea why. Even if its not for me, just the fact that something is being sold for a profit and there is a gain to a party that i favour is kinda what drives me. The proceeds however from my schools MSA go towards charitable cause(last year, it was Haiti).

Sunday(or today, the day if the tournament), its dark and gloomy. Which is kinda the weather i like, coz i hate hot weather, rain is awesome. Snow is the best. It didn’t snow though, PMB is too lame to ever have snow.
The tournament started off reasonably, and went on fairly well. Then the food was brought in and sold, and more food ordered and sold and ordered and sold and ordered and sold and ordered and sold. Shit people who play soccer can eat a lot. There were a couple injuries, which required the skill of those who attended first aid classes in school. (i think most of them attended, just so they could bunk lessons, wait..i don’t think, i KNOW).
Then stuff started getting stolen, and i was like ‘sucks for them’ and carried on making money and saying random things to random people.

Ok, im tired of thinking what happen. Teams went to quarters, sold more burgers and coke, teams went to semis, half the crowd left, sales dropped, but little stock was left, finals were played. One random guy pointed at the native dude, saying he stole the stuff, and the native was like ‘is it because im black?’. Packed up, cleaned up, came home, ate more marshmellows, got a sheet load of homework, sleep deprived, and hungry.

yusuf

We dont have to do anything..

2011-03-14T19:06:00.000+02:00

Feeling a bit weird today. I d’now if its the fact that ive been listening to Avril lavigne the whole day(don’t judge me, you listen to justin bieber), or if its the rainy weather that has blessed KZN.. well whatever it is, ive gotten ‘in-touch’ , read couple blogs, dug up old pictures i found on my hard drive. Damn i use to look Chinese when i was younger. About that, apparently Chinese are at the most disadvantage when it comes to university acceptance. Sucks for them, they can do other things, like play table tennis and make utterly useless items that has no real use, like all those things from Veri-mark. Reminds me of somthing i read on Killa.co.za(yes, i know i quote him alot).. if the ‘haari poyris’ have a ‘made in india’ tag on them , the ‘modern(modern as in modern, i will not use the other word(S)) girls would have a ‘made in china’ tag.

Amongst what i have discovered in 2011, is that we are pressured by the surroundings, to give in to expectations, not because failure will lead to embarrassment, but because some people try to become better than the best, or maybe its just what ive seen. I don’t think we are ever really forced to give in(unless you are Michael Scofield and want to break your bro outta prison, or if you’re Mo shaik, and want to break Schabs outta prison), to do what others expect us to do, or maybe even lie to prove our self-worth. I always try to be honest, but its SO damn hard. And i think its because we confuse the truth, does the truth have something to do with honest opinion, or fact. The point im trying to get at(i think) is that there’s too much backbiting in the world I’ve found myself to live in. I always try ask myself, why cant it just be a Yes No situation,question..whatever...

Anyway, ive decided, that in 2011, im gonna try do the right, no matter matter the cost, knowing what i have to do, believing in my gut(being a teenager, thats kinda retarded, but i think im understanding stuff through all the confusion i currently am in)

Also im gonna invest in an ipod, not get a blackberry and listen to the Avril Lavigne album for the rest of tonight. (im literally killing the songs)
I will not learn for accounting, as that is weird, i will however twitter stalk, tell everyone that Schabir Shaik IS my uncle, make dua for japan(coz if theres no japan, theres no Nissan Skyline, and there goes one of my dream cars) and attempt, starting today to make R19 airtime last 2 weeks.

Is it just me, or do i use alotta commas.

Yusuf.

arrr first term

2011-03-09T16:34:00.000+02:00

First term of 2011 is so average... well compared to the last three years.. in 2008 i entered into grade 7 , and it felt awesome being the Dons of the school. in 2009 i went to High school, and admittedly that was rather shitty considering i left that place. nevertheless that year was rather entertaining, considering i had rather good grades. in 2010 i moved to a boys only school, which was a bit weird and blah blah, but it was hectic in the first term getting use to the system at the new school.

this year im in grade 10, and at the same school. it wasnt exciting or even different. it was depressing. i saw my accounting text book(which is 400 pages) and immediately went into pareshaan. Then it must be noted that i chose exonomics over bio. coz i hate bio. and blood and stuff. when i think of blood i feel all weird and stuf...errrrr. the only 'bloody' thing i like, is watching Vampire Diaries and True blood. coz lets face it, vampires are awesome. except twilight. thats a load of shit.

i went to the library to see if i could get that book, but was surprised to see that it was booked for 6 months. considering the reviews about twilight, they should change the name to 'how to be a bitch and lead on a gay dude and Mr 6 pack woofles.(compliments Killa for that word) so instead of choosing another book, i went to the school shop and bought a Tornado Paddle Pop. BEST water based ice cream ever. i had like 3 in 2 hours.

anyway back to economics, i felt dumb that i had taken economics, because alot of the township set(top sets=A classes.. township sets:aka dumb sets) guys had also taken it.

i feel so mediocre. im officially a semi-IT dropout student. i say Semi, because we get charged per term, and it was halfway through the term and i decided to drop out. but if i did dropout i wouldnt be rufunded half the amount,so instead i wanted to get my moneys worth and stay the whole term. call me indian. coz duh, i am one.

i was also contemplating starting a little business in school, selling series and shit. then i realised that i couldnt really accept money from friends and stuff. i feel bad. always. but anyway i hepled a friend out, and in return he gave me one of those 52gb adsl vouchers that you get from incredible. now i know a couple people who sell gifts. that is retarded. and i am not retarded. so instead im gonna download more series. like community. because most of the CW series have stopped for now. Sadly.

i do not admit that i did not write this blogpost because i did not not wanna look like a nob having not blogged in nearly a month.NOT

i have no idea what that means. i have a great idea for another post. maybe this weeknd.

peace. i need to go prepare for a debate(that starts in 3 hours. - im lazy. shoot me)

yusuf

How i met your ma – part 4..

2011-02-13T18:46:00.000+02:00

in search of the heavenly sandwich’

Okay lities, today i will be telling you about the Player, your Uncle Yusuf and how he fell in love. Nah, im just kidding with you, thats so season 5!

Just some background on the changes that Raani went through moving to PMB.. there is the difference between the way Chatsworth people talk, and the way employees at Game in pmb talk. Chatsworth people get high and drunk at Blue Lagoon, Game PMB employees get Bombay crush at Sasol Garage in Raisthorpe. Big difference.

Now it was the day after Valentines weekend and since Rani wasn’t in love, she was in pareshaan seeing everone all happy, and the lame adverts on ETV for lovepoems. It was also the crews day off. Well Uncle Yusuf never really works, we still don’t know what he does. He is like one Parwaartha(does nothing the whole day).

The crew knew that only one thing could cheer Rani up, and that was if they found the best sandwich in all of PMB.. During Ranis first month in PMB before she got her job, she was very bored. She went to the airport hanger excuse of a mall, she went gocarting and she bought a R7 burger from Willowten Palace, she thought she had seen it all. Until one day she was wondering around in the CBD and found a place that sold the best Sandwich for R5.. ‘the heavenly sandwhich’

So the crew decided to take Rani and look for that heavenly sandwich, they went to Chicken Licken, but they were all outta Chickwiches, KFC was full of natives, but there was one place, its vegetarian, and the most expensive thing you can buy from there is the Coke.(R6.50) .. this place was Kara Nichas! But was this the place that sold the heavenly sandwich... they ordered the Kara’s Special Sandwich and within seconds it was ready. Coz its Karas, nothing takes longer than a minute to get ready..

THE MOMENT: Rani sunk her teeth into this sandwich and she felt like she was on cloud 9! She had found the heavenly sandwhich!

So next time you’re semi-broke, hungry and in pmb, pop in at Karas, and order the Special sandwich.. it might be a lil soggy or dry, but it will do.. (they didnt pay me to say that)

yusuf

LoL worthy..

2011-02-13T17:11:00.001+02:00

valentines an all

2011-02-12T23:34:00.000+02:00

its that time of the year again.. valentines, though im not sure which day is valentines, 13/2 or 14/2 .. anyway lots of roses and chocolates and stuff is being circulated. but roses are R15 and the only person i buy chocolates for, is myslef. im high on astros right now. this shit is crazy addictive and apparently haraam. but i dont have a doubt in my mind. the majlis can go dig a hole. i like my astros.. anyway ive thought of a list for cheaper alternatives to roses and chocolates.

1) mms a picture of a rose. MTN cut the price to 45c/mms for valentines
2) buy her a chomp. this isnt a chocolate, its an affordable alternative
3) instead of buying balloons i heard the Govt hands out something that can substitute a balloon( i think i thought of this one from watching an indian movie. dont judge) and you can just take a permanent marker and draw on it.
4) R5 airtime voucher.
(please dont actually use any of the above, unless youre a stingy retard. even i bought roses, dont judge me)

okay im over thinking of alternatives.. so im lacking in inspiration to write sequels to previous blog posts.

new ideas always welcome. im going to go twitter stalk selena gomez and kill musquitos with my accounting text book. coz apart from that, it has no real use.

yusuf

School and stuff

2011-01-18T01:13:00.001+02:00

So im going into grade 10, and for those who don't know, im taking Acc, economics and physics. Subject choices was a fun time to be around, seeing some people go for the hardcore courses and others going for the cruise courses. Though theres something wrong with Indians, and im not talking about re-using gift wrap and need for a tissue box in the back of their car, im talking about something serious. One Indian ALWAYS want to out-do the other. Simply put : one guy decided to take 8 subjects(one extra), his rival decides to take 9, and so i think they both ended up doing 10. In my mind im thinking (what the f**??) Then they are the first to complain about too much homework, now im not picking on anybody, im just stating from my experience.

Then there are those who go for the cruise course, like Tech drawing and art and geography. Geography isn't difficult per say, but i just hate it. Along with Biology. This science freaks me out, and anything to do with blood freaks me out. (Greys anatomy makes being a doctor so exciting) I wonder what im gonna do when the time comes for me to perform qurbani. i don't think ill call one Malawian boy to do it for me. Thats just wrong, but anyway, im looking forward to what this year is going to be like. Half the amount of subjects but double the workload.

I want to go back to grade 2, i had no worries back then, no mxit, facebook, no pressure. I lie, there was one worry, i always wanted to finish madressa early and get home in time to watch dragonBallZ. Though that didn't convince my apa, and instead i got hit with the 'the stick'. Never again. Though i remember one apa of mine, MXIT apa. I miss that apa. My moulana, he was another pot of biriyani. Always had it out for me, never liked me going for cricket coaching, so i hadta quit. Then again i use to go to madressa an hour late everyday and on Saturdays he kept me in.

Though i had a funkier moulana, i use to say i was going to the toilet, but instead i use to run to the shop down the road and buy chappies and sherbet. Then i got older and got moved from the girls class. Whats the worst thing i can do to a girl while in the class?? Flirt with her? .. maybe "i dont know if youve heard, but im going for jihad. Apparently theyre looking for a few good men with big guns" .. or something more subtle "can i test you your surahs? And if you don't know them, im going to hit that!"

Now im just feeling nostalgic, wish me luck for this year. I need to go cover more books.

NOT new years resolution

2011-01-17T01:03:00.001+02:00

so i know we are well past new years but im feeling to blog i guess, nothing specific, i have had plenty of inspiration but im too lazy to put it into words

so anyway

in 2011 i want to do

More sports
Homework at home and not in registration period/ in the car
Selena Gomez and Katrina kaif. In any order really
More or less what i did last year. Just a lil bit better
Business. Not drugs or anything illegal though. More like fake paki-dual sim phones.
Something that i will remember for the rest of my life.
Bungee jump of Moses
Paintball (and get shot)

In 2011 i also want

to blog more
read more
sleep more
eat less chocolates
gym. Weirdly.
Spend less time on mxit/fb chat/whatsapp
to manage my time properly. Less time watching series and more time doing things constructive
to become paban on my sallah.
Be less gullible
Trust less people.
To look like im 16
Inspiration!!!

This is a whole lot of rambling. I need to sleep.

yusuf

2010 in a blogpost

2011-01-17T00:39:00.000+02:00

1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?
theres way too many things..

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
new years resolutions. WTH. ive never even thought of em

3. How did you spend New Year’s Eve?
at the souk. worse decision ever. and durban was raining :/

4. Did anyone close to you die?
yes

5. What countries did you visit?
none

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
wisdom. i was way too naive in 2010

7. What date from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
waking up in the morning starting a new life at a new school in a new city. i was terrified.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
i had many achievements, not hardcore or academic.. just mini ego - boosters

9. What was your biggest failure?
having high hopes i guess. i expected way too much.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
nope. though a couple sleepless nights

11. What was the best thing you bought?
portable hard drive.
best thing ever!

12. Where did most of your money go?
kit kat addiction etc etc.

13. What song will always remind you of 2010?
timbaland ft soshy morning after dark.. though there are many more.

14. What do you wish you’d done more of?
errrm i definitely could have read more.

15. What do you wish you’d done less of?
mxit. arr the curse of mxit.

16. What was your favourite TV program?
well ive loved Fringe all along though Nikita was pretty cool, along with Community, gossip girl and vampire diariesa was way too predictable, haven, hawaii five o and ncis all follow the same concept and im tired of it. though one of the best was Lie To Me

17. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
not so much hate, but extreme dislike.

18. What was the best book you read?
spud. it was the only of 5 books i read.

19. What was your greatest musical discovery?
deifinate Robyn-Dancing on my own, Body Talk pt 1

20. What was your favourite film of this year?
easy a. there were better movies, but i watched this recently and i liked it.

21. What did you do on your birthday?
i think it was a school day.

22. What kept you sane?
errm mostly my in ear-earphones and the Good Charlotte album

23. Who did you miss?
i missed .....?

24. Who was the best new person you met?
too early to tell if they are the 'best' .. but ive met a few

25. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010:
just chill. true friends are a dime a dozen.

yusuf

FAIL

2010-12-15T16:34:00.000+02:00

it wasnt actually MY phone.. i was testing my cuzzies out..

yusuf

yusuf's guide to downloading shizzzz

2010-12-09T01:33:00.000+02:00

so people around me know me for my deep addiction to series, most of which i get from others, but i do download myself... so im gonna give you (the bored soul staring at a computer screen) a guide....

Firstly you need to make sure you have a decent amount of internet cap: to checkyour cap if you are on Telkom, go to secure.telkomsa.net/titracker
personally i have a 5gb account which doesnt really go very far.

CLICK ON THE PICTURES TO ENLARGE
so...

Step 1: get a torrent program: now the program that uses very little of your system resources( computers power) is: uTorrent:http://www.utorrent.com/downloads
others include (just google them) Vuze - uses alot of system resources, but has a good user interface
Limewire
BitComet
Opera downloader(this is included in the Opera browser)

Step 2. install the program and agree to all changes

Step 3; Finding what you want to download
i use Piratebay to find torrents to be added to download. here you can find almost ANY Movie, TV series (normal and in HD), music, computer programs, the works.. simply go to :piratebay.org -> top 100 -> and choose from the top 100 downloads of any digital content.
link: http ://thepiratebay.org/top

Step 4: reading the comments and downloading the torrent: remeber to read the comments, check the file SIZE and then click on the green arrow to downlaod the torrent
REMEMBER***** SEEDERS must ALWAYS be MORE than LEACHERS.. or else you will not get a good download speed

Step 4: adding it to be downloaded: after yo hit the green arrow, the torrent will download, it wont take more than a few seconds... (THIS IS NOT THE VIDEO/FILE). double click on it, and it will open in uTorrent like this: click OK and it will begin downloading

Step 5: make sure that the download has begun and depending on your internet speed and file size, the download will be carried out and completed.

Step 6: once the downlaoad has finished, exit uTorrent or right click - stop. this will prevent it from using more cap.

In Brief:

Step 1 : get uTorrent - install it
Step 2 : go to torrent website and download required torrent
Step 3 : add the torrent to be downloaded
Step 4 : after download finished, STOP it.

please dont arrest me.
please dont ask me for series, unless you have airtime/movies/chocolates in return :P

yusuf

The Worst Phone.. known to mankind

2010-12-08T20:35:00.001+02:00

Im feeling to blog about the crappiest phone known to mankind – the nokia E52- which i have

From the first minute that i saw it, i hated. Like REAALLY hated it, even now when i glance a it next to the keyboard, i hate it, and its lame lights and stupid notifications and just everything. I googled 'Nokia E72 wifi problem' and i knew what i had in my my possession: they took mr bean and made it into a phone. Its ugly on the outside, its wearing a horrible suit, it alks weird and it quite litrelly does EVERYTHING you ask it to do, WRONG. Let me put in point form some of these errors

The wireless lan(wifi) refuses to work, now WifI is a major feature for me, because i surf the net alot, and i don't like using my airtime for it.

The down button makes a springy sound... like kkk...kkkk.kkkk everytime i press it

I know more directions to places than the GPS does. It works like crap, so im downloading the Garmin software for it

It NEVER has full signal

In my room i have to stretch to the window every 10 minutes for it to even get a signal, and by then people are swearing on mXit for ignoring them.

The battery level will show 1 bar after an hour of use, but will last 7 for more hours

The annoying thing about the "battery low" annoying beep, is that it comes up every 10 minutes, and the beep isn't the normal beep, its like justin bieber singing live, but worse.

After switching it on, it will beep and restart 5 times before connecting to the internet for any applications.. eg: WhatsApp, mxit, opera

I cant change the Date or Time because it will beep and restart

I cant try connecting through wifi because it will beep and restart

I cant have a 4 finger kit kat in peace because it will beep restart

This phone is more annoying than Miley Cyrus.. and miley/Hannah/whateverhernameis .I prefer Selena Gomez(wizards of Melrose place...wait thats wrong, i forgot the name)

And the worst thing about this phone is that it is barely a few months old

I did a software update- it was 154 effen megabytes. Then again i have uncapped, so FTW

Though there are a few good things about it

Its a nokia

Ive dropped it on concrete and it still beeps'...uuhhh 'works'

It charges via USB

Its thin. Like really thin

It has soft buttons, so Instant Messaging is a breeze, when its not beeping.

It has this sensor thingy.. so lets say your phone faced up on a table, and the phone starts ringing, you can turn it face down, and it will stop ringing. How cool is that???(i bet your blackberry cant do that)

When i do stand on the roof-it gets 3/5 bars signal, and the internet works faster than LIGHTNING!!(seriously.. HSDPA FTW)

It has a crystal clear camera with LED flash, perfect for the average photo-enthusiast (and those muslim girls who take pictures of themselves but cut their faces off)

It can multitask really well (while it beeps)

My phone is beeping.. thats my cue to round this off

I don't think ive missed anything out... so theres a blackberry curve on special for R87 p/m... if my blog gets 20 likes by Friday, i might just consider getting it. They upgraded the Fb and MXIt apps so im sure i won be marrying paki soon after...and its with BIS so ill just have to swallow my pride, be a lil kanjoos..

Stop f&%$#g beeping!!!!

Yusuf

Im gonna charge it

Dear World

2010-12-02T22:30:00.000+02:00

so i borrowed this idea from another awesome blog and from here.. its actually quite fun coming up with them.. and people are always making facebook statuses with 'Dear blank Please blank "

Dear autotune

I need you know more than ever

Sincerely, Justin Bieber hitting puberty...late

Dear gossip girl

please stop stalking me

Sincerely, serena, dan, nate, blaire, jenny, that coloured chick

Dear bbm

im broke

Sincerely, MXit

Dear facebook

i don’t ‘like’ this anymore

Sincerely, Become a Fan

Dear MXit

what happened to sending 21 x’s to info

Sincerely, I Am Alive

Dear 10 year olds with cell phones

who are you calling? Ben10?

Sincerely, yusuf

Dear odd-looking-man

Growing a moustache for a month wont cure cancer

Sincerely, a scientist

Dear justin bieber

Call us when you preagnant

Sincerely, 16andPreagnant, MTV

Dear smarties

If i wanted somthing healthy i would have gotten vita snax

Sincerely, chocoholic

Dear Bruno mars

Why do i get the feeling that her face isn’t the only ‘amazing’ thing about her

Sincerely, teenage boy

Now for some halaal ones

Dear girl

Whats the point of using a GHD?

Sincerely, your scarf

Dear moulana

Hitting me with a cane on my rear wont make me byheart yaseen

Sincerely, boy with red marks on his rear

Dear moulana

How many lozengers do you use after the khutbah

Sincerely, Boy on mxit against the back wall

Dear toddler on Radio Al-Ansaar

Please stop singing. You’re making my songs sound like crap

Sincerely, Zain Bhika

Dear Mussalee

please wear your Puma’s to the musjid

Sincerely, the shoe stealer

dear Moulana

i thought you said facebook was haraam

Sincerely, Reject Invite

dear jamaat

going to millionaires houses and getting free food? Its on!

Sincerely, youth of the ummah

As per usual – i will come up with more when im bored enough –

I lie that sounds good to end of a blogpost.

yusuf

MXit’ statuses

2010-12-01T23:18:00.001+02:00

Essentially there are 3 MXits statuses – Online, Away and Busy..il elaborate in a minute

..... yusuf is now away

If you are living in the stone ages(yet you still can access my blog, which is rather unbelievable) you can set a 'status message' and set your mood.

So the 3 statuses

You can be Online for many reason

I wanna chat

I wanna see if someone specific has come online

Im bored

I have no life

Im cooler than you

Wait the last one doesn't make sense

And then theres the controvertial one - away

You are either away' because you set it or

You have forgotten you were online and after a set period your status automatically changes to 'away'

Certain people are annoying you so you ignore them and after a while, change your status to 'away' so they think youre not really online

Certain people say 'hi' EVERYTIME you come online. You set your status to away so they stop it.

Ive learnt that halfway though a boring convo, a person changing their status to away is a polite way of saying f* you.

Ahh and im 'away' alot for the above reasons OR im watching an episode and i couldn't bother chatting to you.

I didn't mean that. I have no idea what im saying

Ok and now for busy

I have litrelly no clue why people put this status up. Its pointless

It means that youre online and youre chatting

But you probably only chatting to one person.

Ahh 'commited mxit relationship couple people' love this one

Nw there are some combos

Online and happy – talk to me!

Away and sad –dont talk to me

Online and Invincible –im a stuck up prick

Busy and Angry – some loser stole my kit kat

Online and Angry – i think this is popluar amongst the soccer loving teams.. when their teams lose, they put this up and start swearing all the Liverpool fans. I have no idea why i said Liverpool. I don't watch soccer. Except s.african soccer. Wait, no. Not even s.african soccer. I watch chuck and how i met your mother and stuff.

Busy and In love this has 2 meanings; a) im talking o my gf/bf/fwb/bff/idontknowanyotheracronyms; and b) im desperate

Busy and sad – attention seekers

..... yusuf is now online

hmmmm

2010-12-01T22:50:00.001+02:00

So today i wrote my last exam and it was such a relief, and then i knew i had to blog, even if it would be something completely random and weird and boring just like all of the other posts.

I watched The Social Network and it has to be one of the best movies ive seen this year. Just the way Mark conducts himself, the ideas he comes up with for Facebook, the emotions which lead to progress in his company and the overall genius hat he was. And he is the youngest billionaire in the world... ah and he had a blog too.

So i suggest you go out to the cinemas and watch it. I didn't do that. I 'organised' it and watched it at home with coke that wasn't overpriced and with chocolates that cant be taken into the cinema.

Rambling Part Twooooo

2010-11-14T21:25:00.000+02:00

my exams have nearly started and im feeling to ramble and blab and just talk my mind on stuff that really doesnt have anything to do with anyone. i have no idea what that last sentence meant. but anyway..

im studying biology and history tonight... thing is i hate Biology. i like History, because they make nice movies based on the syllabus we cover. like Schindlers list. and we watch them in school. but biology, they have that nob, Bill Nye The Science guy. i bet the indian guys were confused outta their minds at the fact that someone can have 'nye' as a surname. also Bill Nye is produced by Disney. and as you know(from watching The Arrivals) Disney is taking over the world by making characrters with an antichrist agenda in the background. so when Nye comes on, i go to sleep. on my desk. or i go onto MXit and talk to my bunker buddies.

also in Biology there are a couple of sections that i studied 10 times, and there are others which i havent studied at all. because those sections are at the end of the book, and by the time i get there im too tired to study them. so i log onto Facebook and Twitter and stalk people.

one of those sections is Natural Selection. which is Darwin's Theory. and Darwin is a prick. so i watch an epp of Entourage instead.

im lus for Chicken Tikka. paki style.

Another thing is, around Final exams i always get addicted to computer games. Im currently addicted to Battlefield 2.(ps: i want a copy of Black ops PC for eid)
anywhoo this addiction has cost me dearly in the past. The girls in my madressa always use to beat in these exams, so i left at the end of Grade 7 to save my soul.Also at the start of Grade 7 i was moved out of the girls class(which was lame), cos i was Baaligh and i needed to lower my gaze, other wise i would apparently be flirting with them. i never did get a chance to flirt in madressa, but if i would, i would go up to the pretty girl and say 'inni u-hibukka fillah' (i love you for the pleasure of Allah)... that dua was especially hard to read when my apa tested me. ay i really didnt like that apa. my palm is still hurting from the time she hit me when i forgot my yaseen.

im feeling for Smarties. even though they dont get me hyper.

Madressa exams were cool and not cool at the same time. not cool - because external Moulanas would test us orals, and i was never good with orals. especially Yaseen. i spent a couple years learning Yaseen. i was dumb liek that. and i didnt like that apa.
cool - beacause we would finish early and i use to run to the shop and buy hose sour strips and Bubbaloo. and those flakes. and sour bubblegum.

Command And Conquer is the father of all real time strategy computer games. when i was smaller i use to have bad dreams about Cane from Red alert. that bastard had the ability to use mind control. so when i use to play, i use to buy dogs to kill the mind control Cane people. another really cool game was Max Payne, because jumping through the air in slo-mo shooting with two guns was the best thing after Pokemon at 5 on SABC2.digimon was lame.

i also loved Yu Gi Oh.. but that had the All seeing eye. effen Illuminati had to put their big eye in one of my favourite animes. i even bought the cards for Yu Gi Oh from Everlasting(next to Spice Emporium) and use to sell em in school.

i should study. and maybe later watch Entourage.

yusuf.

study hard. dont go on Facebook. kidding. waste your life on Facebook, fail exams, get a job as a streetsweeper, and live a miserable life.
or just fail, and marry into money.

Panchaat Kala Part 2

2010-11-05T19:51:00.000+02:00

click on the pic to enlargen

random poem

2010-11-05T19:28:00.000+02:00

im feeling a bit poetic this evening...

i know you think my blog is awesome
i know you think its cool
i know that when some owes watched the gossip girl vid
they even began to drool

how i met your ma part 1 was madir
how i met your ma part 2 was awesome
maybe i should write about
how i met your father!

how is my writing
do you think its pretty fine
i know my English teacher doesn't
for my essay i only got 79

dont quote me on this
or tune me about it
i know you just wanna diss
im sure you will hit a miss

this rhyming thing is lame
im gonna stop with this stupid game

i have no idea what im writing
oh yes! chuck and blaire arent fighting

did you know that zulus watch gossip girl
in school the other day
there was this oe on the corridoor
saying 'hai! imina Chuck Bass!'

the one indian oe thought Chuck bass
was a type of fish.
LoL

yusuf

gossip girl season 4 episode 7.

2010-11-03T19:13:00.001+02:00

please dont watch this if you're like 10,11,12,or even 13. just kidding..
chuck and blaire....

yusuf

Why Bruno Mars was wrong - Majlis style

2010-11-02T17:14:00.001+02:00

So im gonna be a bit of a love haterrrr to day..

And i was reading an article emailed to my dad published by The Majlis.

And im gonna say why Bruno Mars was WRONG in the song 'just the way you are'

Salaamz Bhai Mota.. umm i mean Bruno Mars

Being a muslim we don't have to look far. Lets take it from the first 'stanza'

Oh her eyes, her eyes
Make the stars look like they're not shining –

Now we come to a problem, BM was probably looking at her when the light was shining in her eyes, or she put that glittery shit around her eyes(like Edward from Twilight)

Her hair, her hair
Falls perfectly without her tryin-

Why isn't she wearing a scarf, therefore anyone who quotes this song, should have their hands cut off. Haraam. Full stop.

She's so beautiful
And I tell her every day-

Firstly unless you are married to her(which you clearly aren't , in the video she doesn't have a ring, and there is no mother-in-law in the background telling her what to do), you shouldn't be seing her, unless its the proposal, or you are on the samoosa run with your face being stuffed with samoosas and sweatmeats.

Yeah I know, I know
When I compliment her
She wont believe me
And its so, its so
Sad to think she don't see what I see-

Maybe she's just ugly. And youre not seeing it.

But every time she asks me do I look okay
I say

This will only be permissible over MXit. Any other form of communication is strictly prohibited.

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
youre not supposed to be seing her face. Put her into pardha – NOW!

Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are

Is she reading her 5 times sallah?

Is she a shiaa?

If the answer is no for both of them, then NO, she isn't amazing.

And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile

Conceal your girl dammit!!! Astagfirullah what are you doing parading her around town??

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change

You're stuck with this girl. Theres no option to change her. I say you get another wife. Shiaa preferably, rich father, 5 times namaazi, rose water gang and likes doing salaami.

I suggest you straighten your path and stop singing altogether. Join a Darul Uloom or something.

Yusuf.

how i met your ma - part 3

2010-10-31T13:08:00.000+02:00

okay lities, today im gonna tune you the story of how i met your ma...

so it was gunsten 2007 and your Uncle Saleem was parking off at Suncoast snying out all the ballis all the posers looking for an oe to take on in the drags later that night, but knowing Saleem his mind started wondering. before he knew it he went back home and returned all slaaned up with his (fake) ed hardy shirt and nike airs(from the souk), not snying for competitions, but for stekkies. Though there was a problem, his parents whom he had never seen in 7 years ----- 7 years ago when Uncle Saleem was in grade 11 his parents who owned the biggest second hand car dealership (in a place i have no idea where) found out of his mild drug addiction. i lie, they found out that he was sering a girl that wasn't from his Ghaam, and they threatened to send him to Darul Uloom Camperdown, but since Saleem was madly in love with this 'foreign' (foreign from his parents perspective) girl, he eloped and settled in Maritzburg opening a cell/haircut/cell repairs/internet cafe/ all in one tikka shop with Ali bhai. that relationship didnt work out. and neither did the job. thats why he works at game.

Saleem, knowing that his parents were right, couldnt bare to see them, let alone face them. so he went into Joyland and started wasting his money of the racing games. he later booked a ticket for 'kabhi alvida na kehna.' he didnt like the movie and since it was around midnight, a saturday night, and he was in durban where dreams dont come true, he met up with yusuf, Moe and Rani and Laila.

the night wasnt over yet. Moe had lost his 3 years savings in a Thunee competition, and they desperately needed some money to crash for the night at Southern Sun and fill gas in the cab.. after much persuasion Saleem finally agreed to go speak to his parent.

the moment - he walked up to his parents who were sitting at the mugg and bean enjoying the bottomless coffee, and he said hello. his parents were ecstatic to see him, and after a decent conversation happily handed over the cash and a credit card.
i lie, thats not really what happened. he walked up to his parents, and before he could even say anything, his father stood up and slapped him one across the face, Saleem fell down and even cried. He then ran as fast as his legs could take him away from his parents. that night the whole crew thumbed a lift back to PMB. for the next couple weeks Saleems sales figures on Sinotec Tv's dropped drastically. ..

but thats all for now

yusuf

jumah at home

2010-10-22T14:23:00.000+02:00

this is like a poem thingy... nothing actually rhymes fully
its basically my start to the day of jumuah till after sallah when im at home and theres no school

i read my maghrib sallah
i think i made wudhu before
its thursday night,
i should start making ibadah
but instead i switch on the shaitaan box

i know im not supposed to watch tv on a thursday night
dont be technical
and say that i shouldnt watch tv ever
'coz i know you are also downloading Top Gear from Piratebay

i just cant miss the episode of Melrose Place
but sometimes im forced to
coz my mother wants to watch that program on 3
no its not Noeleen malalalawawllaalwalalw san qu
its Top Billing

after tv i put some tunes on
only the Zain Bhika ones
and most recently Maher Zain
i should sleep, its nearly 10

lets see whos on mxit
i hate these convos:
hey
hey
wuu2
nm u
nm
g2g
bye

im gonna sleep

11:30: im awake i need to have a shower
i need to brush my teeth
mmmmm i cant wait for lunch
i hope theres coke
'coz i hate coke light

i put on my kurta
and my blue sapaats
i go to mosque
did i brush my teeth?

i look like a paki
they staring at my blue sapaats
they hatin' on my blue sapaats
i should read my sunnats

i dont want to sit next to the sub-continental oe
stay 1m clear of him
his feet can be smelt from all 4 corners of the musjid

i proceed..2nd saff from the back
in front of the lities,
behind the pakis

nice kutbah..
'astaghfirullah in this world.... we have all this technology"
"they sending emails with the females"

well at least the dua is short

jumuah mubarak :)

yusuf

new term...

2010-10-04T20:01:00.000+02:00

so i woke up this morning and realised that i haven't updated my blog with useful stuff - the stuff stalkers like.. and apart from that, i read a couple days ago, a blog is also a diary for the whole ummat to read.

and so here i am, listening to some random hindi song. Cold days- ahh they are perfect for Hindi songs, coffee, and the occasional episode. I was watching Melrose Place, the first episode to be specific, but its all the same. the father was caught making majaa with his daughters best friend, at his daughters party, but i actually wouldnt mind following this series- it has a good catch. Though i was annoyed that Vuzu kept shoving that horrible Neutrogena( i have no clue how to spell it) ad every five minutes. i know i have black heads, but im watching tv, im not gonna run to Sparksport to go buy that shit. (even if they give me a discount)- and not even Vanessa Hudgens was helping that ad
*ahh the luxuries of no ad breaks...Piratebay

i almost forgot, diary, not series reviewer***

the holidays have ended, rather sadly. this morning i walked through the school corridors and was like "WTF?! fourth term". by fourth term i'm supposed to have made up my mind for what i wanna do in life, and get my head in to my books- well thats what my mother told me. back to my holidays, they were good. i went to jo'burg, only to find that all the joburgers had made meraaj to Umhlanga, only to leave the pakis in Fordsburg to sell me fake DVD's and Adidas jackets. The pakis even run the Romans in Mayfair. also at romans i saw some talent- the 'pizza cutter oe'.. that oe has talent, i also saw that he was from malawi or some country like that, dont ask me how(i didnt even here him speak). i can sense it when people aren't from SA.

i vied to Goldreef on the Tuesday, full of Jews, i felt like i was in Israel/Cape Town. im being mean. there are more gays in CT. Gold Reef in my opinion kicks Ratangas ass, although Ratanga has a better set up. i went on the 'tower of terror- fear factor 10' FTW!

FML- thats what i said on sunday morning. Sunday was my day to finish work, that was due for today(the first day of school) but instead i cycled around randomly and bought chips from Wimpy.

SHit. Owl city is on my playlist now, i need to change it.(not Bruni mars-just the way you are, thanks to Facekitaab 'Ive by-hearted all the lyrics to that song)

untill next time...

yusuf

PS: make dua for me if you're going for haj- i need it, exams are near

FAIL

2010-10-02T18:43:00.000+02:00

Random tweets: part one

2010-09-18T21:16:00.001+02:00

• camp rock 2-the final jam. That just sounds wrong about 6 hours ago via mobile web

• im 15 you stupid bitch.about 6 hours ago via mobile web

• going to see Ministers. again. im not effing gonna wear a suit/coat!! about 7 hours ago via web

• gossip girl 309.. i can watch this ep over and over and over and over again. about 8 hours ago via web

• katherine has some yummy lines. about 20 hours ago via web

• 'howsit' is the best that i can come up with. How un-madir. 5:48 PM Sep 17th via mobile web

• My blog post was published in the College Crier. Score!. 1:01 PM Sep 17th via mobile web

•
nothing beats the feeling of looking at some idiots facebook profile and saying 'prick!'.. aaah satisfaction. 9:32 PM Sep 16th via web

• if Chuck Bass lived in durban he would ask to meet blair at the top of Moses Mabhida viewing deck. 8:56 PM Sep 16th via web9:00 PM Sep 15th via web

• at 7:01 i will be waiting at the top of the empire state building. 8:18 PM Sep 15th via web

• new mxit is madir. I can forsee everyone changing their mood to 'bored'. 6:59 PM Sep 15th via

• @*** ****** 'valentines day' is like the better version of ' kabhi kushi kabhi gham' all the best actors. 9:32 PM Sep 14th via mobile web

• ultimiXxXx at 6 :D. 6:23 PM Sep 14th via mobile web

• front to the bak and side to side, if u feel what i feel, put em up put em high.6:23 PM Sep 14th via mobile web

• effing hot.. The cataracs cool me down. 6:21 PM Sep 14th via mobile web

• wtf??! Its 22 degrees at 8 in the morning. Im gonna die today..7:42 AM Sep 14th via mobile web

Dear Taylor Swift, Kanye took your microphone not your virginity... its time to move on...6:37 PM Sep 13th via webRetweeted by you and 100+ others

• Me:what song is playing? Eb:its plumb-cut from vampire diaries, u shud knw this.... Me:is it in the last ep? Eb: no. Its when they bang. 8:37 PM Sep 13th via mobile web

•
dance dance like its the last last night of you life Gonna get you right. 8:25 PM Sep 12th via web

•
king shaka makes me feel like im in india. These thumbies can effing make noise

• chow at akhals. Smells like joburg. 4:13 PM Sep 12th via mobile web

• what an amazing eid... great chow all around, great fun with family and a great day altogether.. now to digest them prawns :). 12:11 AM Sep 11th via web

• bestest eid ever! :D...now to visit more people. 8:04 PM Sep 10th via mobile web
• oh shit. im wearing skinnies. but i still look madir FTW!. 10:15 AM Sep 10th via web

• its not my fault i only like burfee and not chanamagaj. 9:13 AM Sep 10th via mobile web

• concerningmj
Eid doesnt begin until radio Al Ansaar plays @ZainBhikha :) Loving the new track bro. .7:38 PM Sep 9th via TweetDeckRetweeted by you

• people go to signal hill to spot iqbaal @concerningmj. 5:15 PM Sep 9th via

If chuck bass lived in durban

2010-09-18T14:07:00.000+02:00

i came up with this shit while i was dreaming
If chuck bass lived in durban:

he would ask to meet blair at the top of Moses Mabhida viewing deck
he would stay at Pearls
he would have a Joburg accent
he would have a chefaur driven 320i with subwoofers and 19" wheels
he would take blair to chow at restaurants on Florida rd
he would attend Al Fallah
his father would own the biggest supermarket at durban
he would live of ooplang
he would import stekkies from cape town
his first investment will be a flat in umhlanga
when he's naughty his parents would send him Darul Uloom Camperdown
where he would take up becoming a hafezul Quraan and a full time smoker
he would be memon
his cellphone would be a blackberry 8520

katherine, the hot bitch - Stefan

2010-09-18T01:46:00.000+02:00

madir oe

coke

2010-09-15T22:00:00.000+02:00

today is a change from the past month, Ramadaan is over and i can visit the tuckshop again at school. now stuffs expensive nowadays but i try to have set days when i go to the tuckshop, and i budget myself likewise. but thats just a load of bull. ive been going to the tuckshop everyday this week and buying unhelathy shit. sour jelly babies, fizzers, kit kats. wait, i always buy kit kats.

and not forgrtting coke. the most lethal substance in the world! it can do anything to you! it also can be pretty awesome... it makes you sleep, it can make you hyper, it gives you spaaan pimples, it bloats you up(i wonder how fat people feel when they 'bloated.' more so girls. must be swak). coke also seperates a good wedding from a great wedding.

its best cold - room temperature coke is boring, and flat.(that just sounds wrong, but anyway). its also pretty good on a hot day. you'll see coo'ee(pronounced 'coo-apostrophe-eeee'), creras(apparently it was the shizz back in the day. wtf???) and pepsi. damn pepsi, they like shove that brand in your face in every indian movie. and that other one, the fake Fanta. i frogot the name.

im thirsty. im gonna go see if theres any coke in the kitchen. .

yusuf

Series time of the year

2010-09-11T23:01:00.001+02:00

So its that time of the year again, the teenage dream series premiere and and with every tom, dick and harry having mwebs uncapped adsl fitted, they are downloading the episodes the day later after the premiere. Most of my readers probably only watch series coming from THE CW, i will admit that those series are pretty cool, but extremely predictable. For example blair and serena will make up and break up tons of times this season, dan and serenas parent will do the same, and as usual there will be episodes in which that panchaat kala(gossip girl narrator chick) will hit us with some hardcore quotes.. the best ones for me are "good morning upper-east siders,"

Then there's the BEST series ever- smalville, i hope that biatch Lana dies. She's hot, that about it. Smallville though now has been become too complicated and is hard to follow if you haven't watched a few episodes. Recently however i started watching Entourage season 9, which as intresting as watching BBC E. But the element that has carried this series is unique. Jamming( my blog is hallal, cant use the other word), money and hot chicks. And im fine with that.

Its the same with Vampire Diaries. Is there any proper VAMPIRE scenes without the lovey dovey ness.. the series litrelly revolves around LOVE, not vampire shit. Though i still like it, and with its 2^nd season in motion, Elena and Katherine are bound to have some fights. I hope they're physical. Though it will me madir confusing to differentiate, i haven't watched the first ep of season 2 yet.

Another series that revolves around jamming and LYING is One Tree Hill.(i scheme Mufti Menk should gives those oes one lecture, they'll be repenting in no tim- then again it wouldn't be good for viewer ratings and lectures get boring). I watched the season 7 finale on vuzu tonight and i cant believe what i saw in the last scene! That one hot berry shot Clay and his bombshell of a stekkie. Theres even some pretty madir scenes with bombshell stekkie(i dunno here name). And Jamie(that kid) is still a sharp oe, though its lame(and haraam) showing him at a bar giving that oe advice. Haley(his mum) is one ugly thing. Brooke(red head stekkie) has lost her red hair and her spot of the hottest stekkie of the series(hsofts). That spot has officially been taken by Bombshell stekkie.

One of my other favourites that will be premiering on the 23^rd i think, is CHUCK! Though im not amped, chuck himself will probably become one hardcore serious computer boffin. I hope that chuck season 4 will kick of just like the season 3 premire. With that Swedish model

Also i think the stig has been unveiled, so it will be interesting what the winter(their winter) season(16) of top gear will bring us. They should make the new stig a mollee saap in kurta, toppee and turbin(fist length beard an all). And introduce his wife as one full hijab stekkie.

If thers one all time best series, its Prison Break. I hope a series with that level, of interest, intrigue, set of of hot stekkies, car chases and awesomness can be made. That said, its a FOX production. Which has made some of the best series to date. The series main element was exactly what the name says- Breaking out of prison. And not the relationship between Sarah and Michael.

Ps: does anyone have the additional 80 min extra to Prison break, i havnt watched it yet

I think ill do a list with more series soon.

yusuf

eid mubarak

2010-09-09T18:39:00.000+02:00

i would like to take this opportunity to wish everyone Eid Mubarak and i hope that that the following days bring joy..

ps: eidie funds are officially open :DDD
old people, i hope you went to the bank and got a whole lot of R50's, made enough burfee for the occasion coz eid is definately here!

my blog readers

2010-09-07T20:27:00.001+02:00

people are reading my blog from their Ipads.. shweet :)

my blog readers

2010-09-05T01:51:00.000+02:00

my wolf...

2010-09-04T12:10:00.000+02:00

so i have one hardcore day ahead so i thought id write a blog to chill my mind a bit.
i have a dog/wolf and like i thought id add him to a list, but he deserves way more than that. he deserves a post dedicated to him.

so his name is Rajah

he is a german sheapard cross alsation. .

he's whiter than milk
he hates natives
he hates my bicycle
he probably hates blackberries too
he hates people walking on our side of the lawn(next to the road)
he is rather masha'allah
meaning he is very fat
we feed him too much leftovers
i feed him flings, top deck, biltongb etc
basically anything that isn't healthy and nutritious
he hasn't died yet
which means that you can feed your dog flings, top deck or biltong and he wont die
i lie
my dog is half a wolf
i think thats why he can digest that shit
he is hyper in the mornings- like lil kids
i hate lil kids
i love my (half)wolf though
he loves the camera
he loves food
he loves barking at the natives
he turns his head at confusing shit
he was the fattest of his litter
he tends to mark his territory
he gets naar when this kaaro kutha(black dog) comes around
he's the only wolf you can have a DMC with

ill come up with more(i hope)

he can be rather violent.. here's a pic of what he snacks on

Kit kats

2010-09-02T21:12:00.001+02:00

I don't know whether this is a province-wide special, but many of the supermarkets ive been to have had a special on nestle chocs. 5 for R20!!!!! Thats like R4 a pop, and thats cheap! Considering you would otherwise pay R7 at a normal shop, double at a petrol station shop and triple that at that Sasol Garage(Overpriced nobs)

Anyway ive tucked in with the kit kats because there are simply so many uses for the.. listed below

You can eat them when you;re hungry
When you break fast
After Iftaar
While on mxit
When you're bored
When you're not bored
When you're facebook stalking
When you evesdropping on someones conversation(they don't make a 'crunch crunch' sound)
When you're depressed
When you're happy
When you go to the movies
when you're in class and you're bored
when you're tired of making tawaaf at the souk
when you're tired of making tawaaf at Hartley

and lastly

when you effing just need a BREAK!!!!

they can be broken in half
but you shouldn't really worry about that
unless your memon
in that case i will mention that the 'one finger kit kat' can be broken into 4 pieces!!!!
I never like to share my kit kat though.
I like to eat one 'finger' and then marvel at the three remaining.

So if you see me in the next week ill probably be at the shops stocking up on kit kats for iftaar.

Though ill be naar if they give kit kats as sinni on the 27^th night. I'd prefer Solero or Magnum.

Yusuf

(see chat box. I don't give a shit about discrimination , so discriminate all you want!!!)

Entering the last 10 days of Ramadaan 2010

2010-08-31T20:57:00.001+02:00

This post isn't a humorous one, heck i cant think of a decent 'why did the chicken cross the road' joke.. so if you looking for panchaat, click the close button now...

So im not a 5 times namazee, im not a hafezul-Quraan and i am not a hardcore topi and kurta waalaa. However i try my best to live up to what Islam expects of me in every situation. However from what ive witnessed is that we are being pulled too much towards the wrong. Why do we question that which shouldn't be questioned ? why do we think that which should not be thought of? Why do we seek that which shouldn't be sought after? Especially in situations when the best is expected of us... especially during ramadaan.. and i quote from killa.co.za "who says the Shaitaan is locked up? No sir, his lities have come out to play"

From the above, its based on reality and what we see around us, whether its that post sehri mxit conversions which you shouldn't be having with that girl, or the call to that person instead of going into the musjid and completing all 20 rakaats of Tarawee. These are the tests which we undergo, and we have to resist it all, and turn towards the righteous path. ITS HARD ! – I know, im 15!! However there's always help and its not too far away, a simple verse from Surah Faathiha can suffice.

So the next time you find yourself in a situation that is untoward, go on to your mussallah, lift your hands or pick up a yaseen, and ask Allah for help, for I myself have witnessed that nothing is impossible, and that Allah will never refuse something which you ask of him-provided it is within the boundaries of islam.

I end with the final verse of Surah Faathiha:
غَيْرِ الْمَغْضُوبِ عَلَيْهِمْ وَلَا الضَّالِّينَ

"The path of those upon whom Thou hast bestowed favors. Not (the path) of those upon whom Thy wrath is brought down, nor of those who go astray"

(keep us on the path that though has favoured, and not the path of those who go astray)

Why i hate blackberries

2010-08-29T11:39:00.001+02:00

blackberries are so overrated. i dont get the hype around them.

I hate blackberries
Im talking about the phone
Is there even a berry that is black?
I doubt it tastes very nice
Its probably a poisonous berry
Firstly its black
Its weaker than Shaldon from Big Bang Theory
They have shitty apps
They have a shitty look
They have a shitty camera
They have shitty buttons
They have a shitty trackpad
Basically they are just shitty
I doubt they have a front camera
Which once again is shitty
Facebook app is shitty
Mxit app is shitty
R60 for BIM
WTF????
They have an app called BBM
Bored Baboons Mothers?
Beetles, Brothers and Molesters?
NO. Blackberry Messenger.
You cant login/log off. How retarded is that
And people go advertsing their pins like prosititutes
And theirs also a 'picture pin'
If someone takes that shit and posts it online, the possblities are infinite
I sound like a Sasol garage add
Back to the possibilities- the Kardashians might add you on bbm
Or some random in Pakistan will add you
Imagine how fun it will be to IM with a guy from Pakistan
'ver r u from?'
'south Africa n u'
'PAKISTAN bruther!! You vant dWd? Selling half price'
'no'
'ok so you want haircut?'
'no'
'I know vat u vant: Paan?'
'No'
'ok v are comin south awrika next month opening restaraunt'
'oh no'
And the best part is that you cant ignore someone
Coz they can see if you read the message
So you can send pics and sound clips... blah blah blah
Imagine the paki sending you a clip from 'fateh ali khan'
No one even listens to that anymore
Or he may send you a pic of his daughter, to get married to you

In conclusion, if you get a blackberry, you are getting a Pakistani wife and father in law, a free haircut, free hindi dvd's along with a new taste in music, and not forgetting a shitty phone.

All that at a price of R199-for the blackberry 8520 – which is basically the shittiest model of a shit range of phones.

BBM. Fail!!!

2010-08-27T21:46:00.000+02:00

outside Top Mosque(pmb CBD)

Gossip Girl - Charou style

2010-08-27T21:44:00.000+02:00

name: panchaat auntie
P.A

season one episode 1

actors.
Nate- Naeem
Serena-sarah,(nickname:S. and u say it the slumo way. 'saaaa-raaa')
Blaire- B.B aisha(nicknaem: BB)
Dan- Shaa
chuck-Faheem. i always thought Faheem was a hardcore name.

panchaat auntie here, your number one slot on whos jammin who, and which weddings are the easiest to gatecrash. occasionally i mention which musjids hand out Magnums after tarawee.. now onto our number one suspect....

sarah just got spotted at King Shaka Int with her choti-foi carrying luggage to their car. the one cleaner, Mamoo uploaded the pics from his blackberry and within minutes half of durban was panickking. all the oes and stekkies at Al Fallah and Orient ran to the tiolets/hid their phones under the desks and started checking facebook.

now S had left abruptly last year after getting a saved mxit convo between her and BB's bf, Naeem... apparently she said all those things late one night during ramadaan when she had too much Double-Apple Hookah.

S is now on her way to Nescafe Lounge in Musgrave and is aiming to vy apologise to BB for jammin Naeem(BB's bf).. S arrives at BB's 16th at Nescafe, but BB doesnt want to hear anything! BB starts calling S a 'saalo oochaachrie! and then (translated into english:) "village bicycle straight from india" and "she must go back to where she came from:rolling rotis at kara nishas". then she starts saying how big her dagraa(bum) is. the rest is censored, but i bet if you pop into al fallah every kid has the video on their phone.

S than escapes embarrasingly from the party and vys to the beach front and gets a tray of dinky donuts. half caramel half chocolate. and then sits outside milky lane looking at the the gora's entering Joe Cools.

you know u smaak me

Panchaat Auntie.

_____________________________________________________________________________

wedding to gatecrash : nothing. oes dont smaak wddings in Ramadaan- they cant play songs from Kuch Kuch Ho ta Hai when the bride enters.

links to all my posts

2010-08-26T19:29:00.000+02:00

to navigate yourself easily around my blog

The lists

Part 1- http://yusuf015.blogspot.com/2010/08/list.html

Part 2- http://yusuf015.blogspot.com/2010/08/list-part-two.html

Part 3- http://yusuf015.blogspot.com/2010/08/list-part-3.html

How i met your ma

Part 1- http://yusuf015.blogspot.com/2010/08/how-i-met-ur-ma-indian-style.html

Part 2- http://yusuf015.blogspot.com/2010/08/how-i-met-your-ma-part-two.html

Quotes of the day

1 - http://yusuf015.blogspot.com/2010/08/quote-of-day.html

2 - http://yusuf015.blogspot.com/2010/08/quote-of-day_26.html

3 - http://yusuf015.blogspot.com/2010/08/formspring.html

Opinions related

Rambling - http://yusuf015.blogspot.com/2010/07/so-tonight-im-just-feeling-like.html

Friends - http://yusuf015.blogspot.com/2010/08/friends-are-friends-are-friends.html

Monday Tweets - http://yusuf015.blogspot.com/2010/08/monday-tweets-blues.html

Cansa Relay - http://yusuf015.blogspot.com/2010/08/concerning-cansa-relay-2010.html

Ramadaan 2010 - http://yusuf015.blogspot.com/2010/08/ramadaan-2010-is-here.html

Fill in the blanks - http://yusuf015.blogspot.com/2010/08/fill-in-blanks-according-to-me.html

the story behind Yusuf - http://yusuf015.blogspot.com/2010/08/yusufthe-story-behind-my-naming.html

Tution - http://yusuf015.blogspot.com/2010/08/concerning-mrs-gs-tution.html

yo momma jokes - http://yusuf015.blogspot.com/2010/08/yo-momma-jokes.html

100 truths - http://yusuf015.blogspot.com/2010/07/100-truths.html

my week away from MXit - http://yusuf015.blogspot.com/2010/07/concerning-my-week-away-from-mxitfor.html

formspring

2010-08-25T21:18:00.000+02:00

formspring created!

formspring.me/yusufshaikh

ask me stuff. you can put you million dollar name, or remain anonymous(if you;re the stalker type)

how i met your ma- part two

2010-08-23T00:50:00.001+02:00

Okay laities, today im gonna tune the story about how i met your ma...

But there are lots of side roads that we have to explore first

Your Uncle Moe and Laila Foi

So uncle Moe lived in mountain rise, had one rich balli, his life was set, pass matric, vie into the ballis business and learn how to con your way into not paying tax. But he met Laila Foi back in the day. His mummy aunty razia was in pareshaan coz he was failing Afrikaans, so she called up miss govender(after 8) and got him a place in the Tuesday class. The next Tuesday uncle Moe was pissed that he had to go for a 2 hour class that he hated. But it all changed for Moe.

He got delayed and only arrived at 4:15 with a tray of samoosas. Mrs govender was pissed. He scrambled his way into class into the back left desk.

THE MOMENT: mrs govender passed around a worksheet to be handed backwards.(bear in mind that Moe had only seen Lailas hair up till now). Laila had turned around to pass the worksheet and it was love at first sight for this poor bichaaro. He saw Lailas face, he couldnt concentrate for the next hour and a bit. Just kept staring.

The next week he wore his newest clothes and shoes.(that were supposed to be for eid). He used his Ferrari perfume that his Uncle Ismail got for him from his Italy trip. He arrived half an hour early to get the perfect viewing spot. Poor Moe was in love.

Two weeks later he added her on facebook and started a ‘poking’ session with her.

Marigya!! Laila left his tution class. But the journey didn’t end here, Moe got his bali to get him the new M3 and started visiting Laila at Sasol Garage drags on Saturday night.

Moe started in the family business and Laila foi turned 18, they both got married at NMJ. The wedding chow there was top class. Coca Cola(not coo’ee)sojee starters, lamb briyani (main) and Gino Ginelli ice cream in heart shapes for desert. The koonchas (wedding gifts) were too good! R200 twurled into little shapes. This wedding was talked about for the next week!! It even beat the Friday night waalima at NMJ. Damn that couple was pissed.

Since then your Uncle Moe and Laila Foi have never looked back. Laila has gotten over her annoying hoo-haas(in laws) . the other problem was that Aunty Razia said that Laila was one oochaachrie(fast one), but Laila and Moe have shown undying love till today.

Now Yusuf (the player) keeps asking Laila for her roopari(pretty) younger cousins number, but thats a story for another day.

Until next time.

Yusuf.

Ps: I HAVE ADDED THE ‘FOLLOW’ OPTION FOR MY BLOG. START FOLLOWING FOR REGULAR UPDATES ON MY BLOG

The list-part two

2010-08-21T22:49:00.001+02:00

So today im on a roll. So i think im gonna write about some people

Mohammed Bhyat

Bhyats bali and my bali studied together back in the day
Bhyats bali has designed EVERYTHING
Bhyat has more siblings than you can count on your fingers
Bhyat doesn't discriminate. White, black or even top deck. (im talking about chocolate)
Bhyat has a tent the size of a house
Bhyat can draw better than most architects
Don't mess with bhyat. He knows more swear words than an old malay (capetonian) woman.

Ziyaad Adam

Ziyaad is never wrong
Ziyaad has never slept
Ziyaad has ate more nandos than Julius Malema
Ziyaad is the only soul on Planet Earth that hasn't gotten sick from chowing Wembley
Ziyaad(thinks he) can convince you that Cape Town has a better beach than Durban.
When Ziyaad says 'lol' in Ramadaan he actually means 'f*** you'
Ziyaad never refers to a girl as hot. he refrers to her as decent(even if she's in a mini skirt)
Ziyaad never refers to food as tasty. he refers to it as decent. (even if its Solly Manjras)
Ziyaad never refers to my blog as awesome. he refers to it as decent.(even though its awesome)

Anna

Anna scared me once
Anna has a car, a dog and an xbox named after her
Anna is thought to be associated with Annabell from ' the vampire diaries'
Anna never sends a mxit message with a 'J' face
Anna is blonde even though she's a brunette
Anna told me to put her name in any random place
I think this is pretty random
Anna ALWAYS signs off with 'x'.
What does that mean?

x

Suhail Dada

Suhail can beat you at anything maths related
Coming to think of it, at anything school related
Except bio. Gause is the bio master
Suhail went to azerbhaijan
I don't know where that is
It sounds cool though
Suhail is like a god at M.C
I wish he stopped playing P.E when he fasts
Coz my p.e teacher rants on about Suhail and about how he does p.e during ramadaan
Suhail has played more fifa10 than the time rooney or kaka or messi have spent on the soccer field.
Suhail has taken more subjects than even what Bill Gates would have taken.
Suhail says long weekends will lead to stress and addiction. Or something
Suhail loves my blog!!

Ill do another list when i feel like it.

yusuf

College boys- the extremes

2010-08-21T22:03:00.001+02:00

disclaimer----- i have to use names but they are all purely fiction and DO NOT refer to anyone at College.

so the first type, the slumo model college boy... his name is Zak

Zak always includes the words 'kiff' 'no mates' and 'rate' in his sentences
Zak has never been shat on by a prefect-since 2^nd form(grade 8)
6^th (matrics)formers wait behind Zak at the college shoppe
Prefects run for Zak
Zak has gone for provincial rugby, soccer, shooting and debating.
Zaks achievements get mentioned at every assembley.
Zak got honours in 3^rd form
Zak got a lapelle badge in 2^nd form
Zak is a Hafez
Zak never misses Zohr sallah at college
Zak is the only college boy ever to be allowed to keep a beard all year round.
Zaks computer account has access to facebook- ANYTIME
Zak never pays to use the computer at breaks
Zak can download torrents all day.
Zak has never got a detention for not going to school after jumuah.
Zak does P.E when he fasts
Zak became a prefect without even sucking up to the teachers

Then we have the flop college boy. His name is Nob

Nob had running everyday up till 4^th form
Nob stands behind 2^nd(grade 8) formers at the tuck shop
Nob stands in attention to 2^nd formers
Nob is hated by the L.O teachers
Nob picks up litter from the 2^nd form quad
Nob has shouting even when the rugby season is over.
Nob has 'no mates'
Nob is in 5^th form and still does team testing

As usual ill try come up with more over the course of my life

yusuf

how i met ur ma - charou style style

2010-08-21T18:49:00.000+02:00

i just read one of my FB comments so i think i should put it into a blog post.(better hurry up-tarawee soon!)

Name: how i met ur ma

actors: saleem(ted), Moe(marshall), Yusuf(barney---must know :P), Rani(robin) and Laila(Lily)

instead of meeting at a bar under an apartment block, they meet at Ali's Salon in Raisthorpe/Northdale(arent those places the same? personally i feel they should both be blown up)

they all graaf at Game in Pietermaritzburg CBD instead of Goliath National Bank.

Rani is actually from Chatsworth, but in How i met ur ma-chatsworth oes are very violent "hold me back hold me back!!" (unlike canadians)

the tasty burger shop that they all look for in the one episode, will be replaced by Copper Chimney. though its very easy to find copper chimney, and copper chimney sells shit chow- but i think we can leave it at that.

Rani, wont be a news reporter for (channel 9 is it?), she will be a presenter on Lotus FM. (ps: i hate Lotus FM- AL Ansaar 103 fm stereo for life u madirs!!)

Yusuf has 1000 friends on facebook, he normally goes scouting for girls at the foyer of the Pearls Umhlanga and Cabanas. he's catch word is not 'Legendary' but 'madir'. Whenever he logs onto mxit, at any given time, there are 10 offline messages from girls.

ill come up with more shit when im high on coke later.(not cocaine-coca cola)

yusuf

Yo momma jokes

2010-08-21T01:22:00.001+02:00

Here are some 'yo momma' jokes that I thought of during tarawee'

Some are lame , i know, its 1.30 in the morning

Mxit joke

Yo momma so unpopular info deleted her
Yo momma so fat, everytime she logs in, the mxit server crashes
Yo momma so poor she owes jobanker moola
Yo momma so stupid, she sold her phone to buy moola

Facebook

Yo momma so ugly, theres only a 'dislike' button for her profile pictures
(lame one) yo momma is so fat she can never log onto facebook MOBILE
Yo mommas so unpopular 'facebook help' blocked her.
Yo mommas so ugly they 'reported' her profile pic. And it was later removed. She can never upload one again
Yo mommas so unpopular she only gets notifications from Farmville.
Yo mommas so unpopular, the dAy she registered, half of facebooks members disabled their accounts in protest.

Feel free to add on.

***** these jokes are not aimed at any mothers, i have the utmost respect for mothers everywhere. These jokes are simply for humour purposes.

the list: part one

2010-08-16T09:29:00.001+02:00

Ebrahim Shaikh - Ebrahim is my brother (duh)

He gets annoying
He asked me to write a blog post on him
So im writing a blog post about him
He says that he's awesome
I wonder, is he really?
When last did he do an awesome thing?
Girls think he's funny
I wonder why
He probably posseses them, like the way vampires do
We watched 'interview with the vampire' a couple weeks ago
You should watch it
Its kinda awesome
Why do girls speak to him?
He has a big forehead
People call it a fivehead
He drives me around in Greytown
He's a shit driver
He likes stalking my dogs brother, who live on the other side of town
Ebrahim is awesome
In a brotherly sort of way
Or am I the awesome one?

Two other TWC people have asked me to apologise to them(or something) cocernign their water sugar Hot chocolate (Meshka and P)

Im not apologising
You two wasted R5 of my money
I could have bought a kit kat
Or a R5 vodacom voucher
That's like mxit airtime for a week
Do you know how long a week is???????
Its 7 days
You two have deprived me on 7 days of my life
Are your'l gonna give me 7 days?
I thought so
so im saying what i have to \/ \/ \/ \/ \/ \/ \/ \/ \/\/

Ps: your'll are awesome too-I hope im getting paid for this

p.s2: i heard someone printed my posts. please send me a copy. with like a R12 airtime voucher, or a 29, or 55. depends how much u got on you. i bet you have a lot.

Time to do some school work (im in school and I cant Facebook)

yusuf

please send in suggestions for a new URL(yusuf in sa. is naaring)

Ramadaan 2010 is according to me

2010-08-14T11:39:00.000+02:00

hi,

so ramadaan has finally dawned upon the muslim ummah all over the world. Personally i feel that Ramadaan is the most reawrding month, and a time to drop everything that you have been doing for the last 11 months and concentrate on improving your imaan, reflect on what you have done, and what you want to achieve in the time to come.

but the above, are not the my only prospects for Ramadaan, this month is full of genuine 'happiness' where you are able to communicate with others and forget the wrongs that they have committed in the past(including that oe from madressa who kept busting you for chewing bubblegum in class). it also brings about a stronger sense of unity within the groups you interact with. it is also a time to seek repentance for your own sins, those of whom you've wronged and start on a new page, that will give you a new outlook for the following 11 months.

the focal point of Ramdaan is the fasting.. +- 12 hours without food and water(and for many, no scafes) and during this time you have to restrain yourself from all conflicts and the like- but its not always easy- "a hungry man IS an angry man."

the generosity that experienced during this month is also quite amazing. mummy sending haleem and milkshake and what not to all friends and family.. then at mosque you see those bringing thousands of pies, bajias and samoosas(and if you go to soofie mosque: quarter pieces of chicken)

one thing that u notice that, Ramadaan is DEFINATELY here, is during the weekends of ramadaan, when everyone's at gateway/pavillion and all the girls are in hijab, scarf and all. they have all changed (kind of? just for the month)... and you mostly see them in Street Gear because ramadaan sale.

im also made to go to the shop every weekend to buy the ghee and klim thats on special, for all the sweetmeats that are to follow in about 27 days time...

one thing i can never figure out is why all the old people flock to sparks road on a sunday, when its boiling hot, and most of the shops are owned by paki's and stuff. (apart from KFC and caminetoes).. this is when i sit in the car and listen to possibly the worst slot on south african radio- BAba Ansaar. the most naaaring thing in the world, not to forget the lities who call and say ' i want to say salamalaikum to my mummy and daddy and dada and dadi and nana and nani and..............) as if im supposed to know the childs whole family.

the most naaring place though is Moondrops on brickfield rd... my mum(and other mums too) probably spend hours in that place! i have no idea how they can just stare at clothes for that long!

but al-ansaar is a top station, i smaak the way the female presenters twang, but you can really get their accents when they say 'dhal and rice' or 'kurrie kichrie' or 'burfee', wait they even twang burfee.

anyway, i hope that all you readers prosper during this blessed month and i hope that the Roza goes well...
remeber oes- read your full tarawee

salaams

yusuf

Cansa Relay 2010****

2010-08-08T18:16:00.000+02:00

im currently in the recovering phase of The CANSA relay 2010, and what an awesome experience it was. there was lots and lots and lots of stuff that we talked about, and lots and lots and lots of stuff that we ate(some smoked). and overall, it was unforgettable

it was a number of firsts for me also

1. staying awake for 30hours(and counting)
2. walking on Goldstones
3. got shaving cream on my face, while i was sleeping(damn you baby-face!)
4. see ebrahim(and some other randoms) get high
5. set up a tent , the size of a frikking house(damn you, Bhyat)
6. had water hot-chocolate(damn you, TWC!!)
7. saw this one pissed drunk black dude get arrested for crashing into our school fence
8. enjoyed more than a couple hours at school
9. ate a couple kg's of chops(mmmmmmm)
10. meet lotsa random people

anyway i went early on Saturday, i thought, 'this thing is dead!' but as time went by, more people came, and put up their tents.. i then sat in my camping chair and stared at everyone else who was working, and screaming random stuff at them

the next couple hours flew by, the relay started, and we had a couple sprints around the field. we then had a braai, chowed like animals, chowed more like animals, and then drank(coke) like animals. then it was time to make some monnnneeeeyyyy :D... we sold glow sticks, yoh! they vied like hot cakes, but i was upset that our mineral water wasn't selling, so i did some marketing- since people were walking around the field, try get the message here- 'if you;re HOT, special price water, R5" (hot-hot and sweaty, tired)... the next one someone made up was 'buy water for R5.00 and get a free bottle"... talk about us indians/muslims.

now they told us, theres gona be top entertainment, so i tuned 'lukker, wheres Riaad Moosa'.. but they brought that flop, 'Mario Ogle'... i hate that oe, he sang the same song 3 times. i will concede, there were some pretty darn good dancers and stuff.

the hours went slowly through the night and we did lotsa different stuff. we lit candles around the field, surveyed some girls, surveyed more girls, drank TWC's water hot-chocolate, until we found 'Go Coffee" that place had the best hot chocolate in the world!! we then watched the drunken blck dude who crashed the car(that was 'nuf entertainment for the night)

after a couple times around the field, we kicked back for some hukka at about four, and then decided to get a nap at 5. i was awoken at 6.30 by shaving cream being put on my face aannd............

the rest in history :)

yusuf

tution according to me

2010-08-05T17:14:00.000+02:00

*** proper name- tuition(too-ish-shin) not (twyo-shin)

my tution day is Wednesday.. ell its a swak day. i would rather finish my season 3 of Chuck for 2 hours, anyhow im going for afrikaans tution. i think it helps(i mean aint that the point of tution?)

so there are the types of oes that generally go for tution

1.nerds- they genuinely want to better their marks and want to get better at the subject- they do all their homework, write neatly and get their stuff right(the people i usually copy from) They are also keen for tests and stupid writing pieces

2. "there because i wanna"..this is me, i do have a intention to gain more knowledge, but my brain stops working after school. we usually talk a lot about the weekend and in some cases say random things to the tutor, and we like looking out the window.

3. "mummy made me go"--- these are the freaks who do(and talk) crap the whole time. they usually pass their time turning around and talking about soccer. they also are very annoying.

anyway back to mrs g-- she knows a lot, i wont deny that, but damn that woman can pile on the graaf. at 4:30 im thinking "ahh no homework, i think ill watch a movie tonight"... then mrs g announces a test for the next week, and two pages vocab homework. this is when you say "im f***d"

at about 5:15 we start annoying her for a break.. she says no, then hands around the sweet box. reminds me, next week i must take the sparkles, heart sweets are shit. and then we start marking the work, i usually catch a dos at this time, and mark from the guy next to me after im awoken by the "shaikh! answer for number 9".

then thers the phone call time- the time where she calls(or gets called by) someones mother. she tells the mother that she should take away her son/daughters' phone and some other random shit. i hardly remember the convo because im having a conversation with the person across the class.

6"00 comes and we all march out, gosh. now the day is over. im gonna do this homework next week before tuition and then i shout across to my friend, "bilaal, remind me about the test when u on mxit on Tuesday night"

Monday Tweets (blues)

2010-08-02T17:58:00.000+02:00

so since its a monday evening, ive decided to express my day
some people tweet their whole lives , so i thought i'd give a shot at it

(i will not mention real names)

(05:30) yaaaawn! oh shit, its monday.. i wonder if mum bought milo cereal

(06:30) looong car ride ahead. lets check facebook

(07:50) drat! im late for school! now i have to go sign that late(lame) book. i should bribe the class captain to scratch my name out when im late

(8:00) biology first lesson... what luck. i wish the charos would stop talking about the weekends soccer goals. my teacher sounds like he inhaled too much helium this morning.

(8:40) reproduction---- so thats how it works.

(9:00) accounting.... time to catch a dos. *****book in front--falls asleep

(09:30) darvit! time to do a debtors journal . ooh lookie here, Flake in my bag. mmmmmm

(09:40) i wonder if i should update my facebook status

(10:00) maths. i feel like jumping out a window

(10:20) i wonder how long it took him to grow that mosh

(10:40) break time!!! hall assembley :(

(10:50) i really dont care about their sporting achievments, im hungry.

(11:15) damn my mum makes the best lunch ever.

(11:30) afrikaans.. oh were watching a movie :D.. just another day really

(11:40) WTF are these guys from 1950's saying.let me draw car badges

(12:10) english lesson... nuf said

(12:40) shakespeare movie. honestly?? i wonder if i brought my PCFormat magazine along

(13:10) 2nd break.. Zohr time... theres too many natives in the change rooms.

(13:25) sallah finishes.. memonOe trying to make money out of me

(14:00) art lesson. cool. i should finish my book in this lesson(spud)

(14:10) what music does this teacher listen to?? the artist sounds like shes screaming at someone. i wonder is she's heard of locinville or something

(14:35) home time :DDD. wheres the driver? brother has to take team photos. gotta wait for him.

(14:50) i wonder if these boys camp outside the tuck shop and ask people for their change.

(15:10) *drinking fanta grape. i can feel the pimples coming
................................................................................

how was your monday?

yusuf

rambling...

2010-08-01T00:05:00.000+02:00

so tonight im just feeling like rambling, saying something utterly useless that really wont change the world. got the music on in the back(enrique-can u hear me), tonights a friday night and im in greytown :D... amazing considering i can clock up some reading(currently reading Spud).. on the other hand i have some t.d homework to do, which quite honestly speaking, im gonna do the night before its due.

now schools into its third week(or forth, i dont know, im just waiting for the next public holiday) and its quite chilled, well most of the time. on the other hand Ramadaan is around the corner and ive promised myself to read all 20 rakaats(8 rakaats doesnt do it for me-weirdos read 8).. and not to run to shops for chappies every four rakaats..(ive even become a three times a day namazee) are you amped for ramadaan 2010?

i cant help but listen to Al-Ansaar every morning-- good show, they interview hardcore people.. though i wonder what songs(nazms) they would play if there was no zain bhika.. i mean thay play the Saaaaaaaaame nasheeds every morning... that brings a thought to mind, wheres wahid? you know that Boy Band... i wonder if moulanas and stuff listen to al ansaar.

brings a thought to mind.. maybe we shouldnt get too set in our ways, give ourself a little freedom, and then maybe something unexpected will hit us that will change our lives - for better of for worse?- thats for you to decide

yusuf

no followers.. what to do

2010-02-13T10:51:00.000+02:00

so i have no followers..
well in the days to come im hoping to get some followers..s0o for now im gonna start spredding the news

my first time blogging!!!!

2010-02-10T08:22:00.000+02:00

im a blogger :D