The Macaroon Mentality

Over the past couple weeks, im sure we’ve all been keeping up with current affairs – be it of some significance, or just what our local rumour mill churns out.

I’d like to concentrate on the latter tonight.

And by that, im sure I have mentioned something about it in the past, but not in this specific light. It’s a little something Dockie and I like to call the Macaroon Mentality.

By definition, a macaroon is some sort of French biscuit, which has become some sort of phenomenon amongst us. It also somehow is supposed to represent some sort of class amongst the society I found myself to be likin’ and hatin’ upon at the same time.

Firstly, we are a society that is extremely bored with our lives, so much so that we love to worry about stupid shit that no one actually cares about, and when that gets out of hand, we move on to stuff that is completely irrelevant to us, and so foreign that it baffles me how we even got to liking the thing in the first place. Dockie also pointed out that in these sheltered environment, there's this constant need to find something that will define you from others or make you more important as such.

Want an example? Macaroons!

However this mentality does not solely reflect our obsession with overpriced colourful French biscuits, it extends to much more than that – i.e: worrying about stuff completely irrelevant to our lives, by trying to get involved and then messing up a situation beyond repair, and then running away pretending that nothing happened. Kinda like dipping a biscuit in tea, but dipping it for a little too long, and having the biscuit fall in.

I’ve repeatedly used ‘we’ and ‘us’ .. and who does this refer to? The Gossip Girl generation! Especially the group of girls that think its so cool to be slutty/like Blair/like Elena – and by that they can get what they want without considering the consequences. Forgive my complaining, I just get annoyed by stupidity. 

And in essence, the Macaroon Mentality is based on stupidity. The lack of our ability to expand our horizons beyond the conceited little circles we try so hard to fit in to.

In this regard, I appreciate hippies, even though they have a tendency to attract unwarranted self importance, they still manage to emit chilled out vibes and take what they see or hear with a pinch of salt – weed is not necessary to complete this image, unless you’re a stoner or part of that 'zol and ball' crew, then there's no hope for you.

Verify facts.

Be true to yourself and to the people you find yourself around. It pays off, it builds trust, and few things strengthen relationships the way trust does.

If summins been messed up before, try the above again – apparently theres always a chance for making it right.

Don’t obsess over foreign concepts which really mean nothing to you, romary creams dunked in tea are just as good i scheme.

Have naan khatais and get Chilli Chocolate Chefs to cater for deserts at your wedding.

Macaroons, Beats headphones and Wakaberry are overrated.

Though Beats are really cool.

Yusuf :) 

Quotes Gone Wrong

“ So avoid using the word ‘very’ because it’s naaring. Don’t use very sad, use swak. Slang was invented for one reason, lyties - to fluke cherries - and, in that speech, parking dom will not do.”
 - Dead Outies Society

" I wanna get burfee wasted!" - Grown Ups

" You had me at Salaam." - Jerry Mcguire

" I have 90 mxit contacts, 12 deleted me, but still, 90 contacts." - Ali, Due badaam Date

" I came, i saw, i pinged my braz to help me out, we conquered." - The Kaiser

" I gave her my heart and she gave me her bbm pin" - Tune Anything

" My Mummy always reckon, 'Life was like a box of chappies; you never know what flavor you're gonna  get." - Forest Gump

" Are you flirting with me?" "since the first day i used the ;) emoticon." - Namastey Durban

" If you're a bat, i'm a b... wait, if you're a bat, i'm not going for you." - The Notekitaab

“ I... drink… your… sarbat! I drink it up!”

"there's no school like a muslim school and i'm the f*n drug dealer!"

" 'do not ping her' is pinging me." - No Nikkah Attatched

" Never let the fear of striking out prevent you from pinging her." - A not so Cinderella Story

" I love the smell of dholl in the morning. It smells like victory."

" Why dont they make a movie about what happens after the kiss? - They do, its called Bollywood" -    Friends without Benefits


" I just stole fifty cupcakes in one waalima!" - Gone in 40 days

" The way to a chicks heart is through poking her on Facebook."

" May the falooda be with you"
" Luke-maan, i am your father" --- Star Wars

_______________________________________________________________________________________________
My first post for 2011 before school, tuition, debating, sleepless nights and a Super C addiction starts. :)
I mean 2012

yusuf :)

Looking back at 2011

So I do this post right now, chilling, listening to indian music. Chilling. Life is chilled right now
I wish I could say that for this past year. In true tradition of a Grade 10 student, this year was probably the most roller-coaster thing ever.


That’s if, the word ‘rollercoaster’ can be used as an adjective. Amongst other things as well. Learnt a whole new life living in the city for the most part of the school term.


iI' kidding, I didn’t learn shit, PMB isn’t a city, it’s a big hole with a few kickass houses; and a big(ish) spaza shop which the inhabitants call ‘the mall.' ..I’ve been lead to believe that that’s where all the cool kids hang out. In Greytown(the town where I live), all the cool kids hang out at the post office… and smoke. 


In this mediocre blog post I could type a whole long story of all the crazy things I wanted to, in comparison to the insane(ly), lame things that I did do, but who am I kidding.  


In a nutshell ive mastered my hand illustrations which act in unison to my speech. In stupid people terms: I move my hand around when I speak, really well. Ari Gold taught me it during the final and almost best season of Entourage. (5 was better than 8. 801 was sheet)


I've also realised that while im in school I shouldn’t take things seriously. Anything. Oh, and my dog senses sarcasm better than some human beings.


Just to sidetrack a bit,




I'm not into Americans, or much of what they do; but there is one aspect that I do admire ... Its Thanksgiving ... The day where you remember to appreciate all what you have...


If muslims celebrated it however it would be a little different ..
it will be an excuse to buy new clothes
And For one, the shop keepers will make it an excuse to host another 'international dubai shopping festival' where they'll sell stuff made in china  .... In Durban


But let's not hate on that.. Ill go back to Thanksgiving .. At the end of this year, there's been much for me to complain about.. But I'd rather be thankful


Thankful for the friends I've made, the "friends" I've lost .. The mistakes I've made and the lessons that I've learnt.
As with wisdom comes age, and we all have 12 more months to learn wisdom and be fit and do homework and stuff.. Until we die. Unless you're like ... Everyone... And you don't believe in 2012 :)


Welcome to round 11 (if you were born in '95... And you're going into grade 11 next year .. Hence .. 'Round 11')

Finally, I was thinking of mentioning a few people who made this year, the year that it was for me, but I think they know it already..

For next year i cant promise many blog posts, but look forward to a List or two. i think i owe it to a few insane people out there :)

Yusuf :)

She's Too Young for you Bhai

I've been absent from blogging over the past month because exams had started and therefore i started watching new series.


So lately my cousin @imraany, my big brother and i have been making jokes about a guy we know who is going out with a girl significantly younger than he is. The jokes practically write themselves.(i just felt like saying that, Russel Peters says it a lot)


anyways, these jokes also fit in to the well know twitter hashtag; #ShesTooYoungForYouBro

• if she buys kinder joy for the toy
• if her mummy makes birdies for her when she eats
• if she doesn't know what a tamagotchi is
• if she needs to be fetched from madressah at 4:30
• if she still swims with inflatables
• if she rides a tricycle
• if she watches movies with her parents
• if she doesn't know how to make burfee
• if her profile picture on facebook is that of Hannah Montana 
• if she's addicted to MXit
• if she asks hyou to sign a parental consent form
• is she has a picture of Vanessa Hudgens in her facebook album called '//*MEeE*//'
• if she has her actual mother listed as her mother on Facebook
• if she says little wayne instead of Lil Wayne
• if she says dead-mau-five
• if she takes a blue seat in with her on a movie date ..... 
• Then She's too young for you bro

The guy(who goes out with a much younger girl) often in these situations is referred to as a paedophile - and rightly so. His braz must judge him, and so will society.

According to the 'braz' from the 'hood'(facebook) the rule is : 2 years up, 3 years down;
which they assume is for a guy

Example : Guy-18 ; Girl -15 : You would say its within the rule (3 years down)
But for the girl, its 3 years up.

So the new rule is:
Don't tell each other your ages.

yusuf 

How I met Your Ma - Part 4

So this blog has been a long time coming, i lie. Ive been watching How I Met Your Mother, and with every episode, i get more disappointed, and so i thought there parodies(if you can call these that, are equally disappointing)

Nevertheless, this story is how Saleem first gets in contact with one of the girls he almost talks to at Wakaberry. Let me let you in on wun secret, Saleem never finds this girl, his mother does, on gumtree. Well actually this girl was advertising Burfee, Magaj and finni online. So Saleem’s Ma, got over happy and decided to hit one email to BurfeeFoi@gmail.com ... within a few hours Saleem’s mum got a reply back on her Bibi, only to see that SweetMeats lady’s daughter handles all the sales. Saleems mum saw the price list, and was ‘Marigya!, so much for half KG burfee, these people think we crazy.’

DING!!! Red Light. *Scramble in handbag*.. picks up Bibi, *puts on glasses*, ‘oooh. In-veee-tay-shin to Burfee Foi’s Bee Bee Emm group’ .. ACCEPT! “Maybe i can get discount.”

DING!! Red Light *slides glasses from forehead to bridge of nose*  ‘ooooh, invitation from Hawa-Bibi’ ... Accept! Message: Slmz, i heard u interested in burfee, plz give me order as soon as possible, Eid is soon, and home line is always ringing after 8’

So anyway, Saleem’s bb had gone in for repairs. Rumour has it, he, dropped his phone by mistake in the toilet while reading his twitter timeline. What a rumour. But rumours are hardly ever true.

Anyway his mother was taking long in Moondrops buying Eid Outfit, and her Bibi was in the centre console of the car, so he picked it up and started playing Caro. He sucked at it and kept losing against some random Chinese guy named Hing Chu, then the red light flashed, he opened up BBM, and saw a message from Hawa Bibi.

He never even bothered to read the message, clicked “view contact profile” – “enlarge display picture” ... and it was Love at first sight!

He took down the pin, and forced his mother to take him to Cafe Madina Cellular to get his phone, and to his luck, it was ready!

He charged it up, changed his display picture to one of Zain Malik, and his status to “i like girls who’s mothers make burfee”

He then added Hawa Bibi..... REJECTED!

Shame, i think it may have been that picture of Zain Malik.

He then got all depro, and so went along with his braz to get Wakaberry....and BAM! She was there! 

Though.. he was too skrik to go greet her, so instead, he bought his wakaberry, sprinkled some Astros, and observed her from safe distance. He sat on the side going down Florida road, next to the metal fence thingy, while Hawa Bibi and her friends chilled at a table.

coz lets face it.. we've all been added to a group selling phone covers at some point.

breaking the news to the crew

yuppp

have you met Saleem? if you do, make salaam.

Part 1 - http://yusuf015.blogspot.com/2010/08/how-i-met-ur-ma-indian-style.html

Part 2 - http://yusuf015.blogspot.com/2010/08/how-i-met-your-ma-part-two.html

Yusuf :)

Attack of The Indian Warewolf meets the Upper East Side

If you don’t know who Blaire Waldorf is.. then you probably live in a hole, or you don’t have friends on facebook who post pics of ‘chuck and blaire’ as their profile pics…

Anyway, Blaire is an overly confident, classy, slightly emo, currently preggers and a character from Gossip Girl.

·              Her mum would be manager at Moondrops

·              And she gets ‘the latest fashion items’ before they hit the racks of Moondrops

·              She looks set like an indian, but has a thick white accent..

·              She uses words like ‘soi’ and helloi’

·              Coz she went to Durban Girls College (the Durban equivalent of Constance Billard)

·              Their maid’s name is Thembi, who originally comes from Tugela Ferry

·              Who had a child with the security guard(Dumisani, AKA  Dumi), who guards their home on Musgrave road.

·              Because this is the Indian version, @28badass  suggested names for indian Blaire

·              Prevashnie Pillay. And Mr kandisamy(chuck)

·              What a name.

·              Anyway Prevashnie thinks she has class

·              But  she’s stuck up really.

·              And gets super angry at Sadia. Her best friend. Serena I mean.

·              She gets her minions to buy Wakaberry for her crew

·              Her stalkers call her Princess Prevashnie.. after Queen B …( coz they not very original like that)

Now if any of you have  watched Attack of the Indian Warewolf you will understand these pics

Or maybe you’re just naturally clever, so you’ll understand it anyway..  

Prince Ladoo professing his love to Prevashnie

One of the days at netball practice when Prevashnie accused Sadia of sitting next to her boyfriend in Tuition.

when Dawood wanted Prevashnie, but Kandisamy(chuck) was too much of a heavy oe to let her go.

(probably one of thee best lines from Attack of the Indian Warewolf)

a sticky note. just a random line from Attack of the Indian Warewolf

another random pic.. 

Yusuf :)

The List - Part 4

The List – for a jock

So recently ive revived this blog(recently = last few months) .. and at the same time ive been tuning with Zak Noorgat…

So heres a list of reason why everyone wants to be like Z.Noorgat

·           Twitter name : @ZedTheJock .. just kidding its actually @ZedNoorgat

·           Go follow him for tips on how to be a jock

·           And how to get a chick.

·           Because when Barney Stinson cant get some, he goes to the gym

·           And at the gym … he Finds Zak

·           Because that’s where Zed hangs out

·           Amongst other places he hangs out are  … foyer of Cabanas

·           Where he orders Milo

·           And drinks it

·           Ah! You thought I would say he sits there and checks chicks out

·           But actually he is a Hafez

·           Top 10 of the grade

·           And a first team badminton, croquets, bowling and table tennis player

·           JOCK !! just kidding he plays rugby(i think), hockey

·           Squash, cricket and soccer.. apparently his good. He playes for GSE(Green Street Elite.. yes that name sounds like a team of muslim boys who smoke weed during tarawee.. but they actually good..)

·           His perfect GF woild be like Mila Kunis

·           He can bench his body weight(which is like a sack of poatatos :P .. just kidding)

·           And according to him, he wants ‘triceps like Faf Du Plessis’

·           Feel like im setting up a dating profile for Zed.. he just whatsapped me these past few points.. coz he is too cool for BBM .. until final exams are over

·           He is in matric

·           He is also a prefect at school

·           So he will laugh at me if I get punished, but tune me because I broke a rule.

·           Damn prefects.

·           Apparently he loves Justin Bieber

·           ‘s mother. Justin biebers mother. She’s hot.

·           He is into that, doing prefect duty at the school entrance, and looking fly as all the mum’s drive in. chest out.

·           Just kidding. He’s into Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez.. which is always a good thing
·           He also watched Disney channel.. which lets face it, is awesome(the channel)

·           Born in westville hospital, where all the monkeys are

·           And finally here’s some pics of the Jock himself

Zak is good with kids..

Zak getting his shirt signed on the last day.. (or showing his biceps.. depends how you see it)

and lastly ... sorry ladies.. Zak is Single but unavailable ;)

#ThatIsAll

@zednoorgat